


can i be yours?

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Best Friends, Feelings Realization, Friends to Lovers, Jay Tomlinson's Death, KIND OF I GUESS, Larry Stylinson Is Real, M/M, OT5 Friendship (One Direction), also harry used to self harm, just a bit of a trigger warning i guess, louis tomlinson has severe insecurities, probably gonna add even more tags lmao
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:35:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 21,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26795977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Louis and Harry are best friends. Have been since kindergarten, now they're sixteen and can't leave each other it'd seem. Problem is, Harry is falling head over heals for Louis. Even bigger problem is, his step dad is homophobic as hell.It's never going to work out. Especially not with Kendall quite obviously fancying him and getting told to get together with her each and every day.But then, things can change quickly. More specifically - things can change quickly when you're friends with Louis Tomlinson.
Relationships: Gigi Hadid/Zayn Malik, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Maya Henry/Liam Payne
Comments: 3
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of short, BUT I felt like a shorter chapter was needed at the beginning. Enjoy!

"Are you even listening to me Harold?" Louis asks with a sigh.

He isn't. Harry looks away from the white wall where his eyes have been fixated for the past five minutes and over to Louis.

"Um, no."

Louis rolls his eyes. "I was asking if you want to stay over for dinner? It's getting quite late and mum always makes way too much for us to finish."

Harry glances up at the clock. Half past six. It actually is getting quite late and he is pretty hungry, might as well stay for dinner.

"Yeah, sure." He responds.

After smiling in response to Louis' thumbs up, he pulls his phone up and texts his mum.

**I'm staying at Louis place for dinner, I'll be home at eight**

**Alright! Tell Jay that she can come to ours soon, we owe her a couple of dinners.**

**If i remember to ;)**

When he looks back up, Louis is lost in his computer. Probably reading one of the boring text their teacher gave them. Harry should probably be doing that too, but researching what the meaning behind a dream where there are snakes all over your bed seems more fun. He's been trying to find the answer for a couple of hours now while Louis studies. 

Usually it'd be the other way around, Louis would be fooling around and Harry does something productive. He's just not in the mood for studying, plus he's gotten a headache. That isn't really helping. When he sighs, feeling defeated by life for not finding the answer to his dream Louis quirks an eyebrow.

"What're you even doing? I can tell you aren't studying." Louis says.

"I'm researching dreams, but I can't find anything and it's frustrating!" Harry whines.

Louis shakes his head, looking back down at his computer.

"You're a weird person. Can't believe I've choosen to be best friends with _you_ out of all the people in the world."

"Well, you did. Rude by the way." Harry snorts.

He just gains a laugh from Louis who then proceeds to look up at him with a smile.

"Do some studying. Otherwise I'm gonna throw a rock at you."

"Oh, I'm so scared." Harry chuckles. "But yeah, I should do something. What're you studying?"

"Writing on the english essay."

He looks back to his computer. Harry keeps his eyes fixed on Louis for a couple of seconds. He looks so at ease, peaceful and generally just.. he looks good like this, relaxed in every muscle whilst writing on his computer. Harry sighs as quietly as possible. He really needs to calm himself down, because it's a struggle to have kind of a low-key crush on your best friends.

It's not like it's anything new either. Or, it is _kind of_ new. But it's been going on for a couple of months, for some reason finding everything Louis does extremely hot or just wanting to be around him all the time. 

Which they are, but most of the time they're just studying. Or rambling about random things on different sides on either of their rooms. Harry wants something more. He isn't sure what he's longing for, but the feeling of wanting something is there.

And for sure, it's really irritating him. He returns his focus onto the computer, opening up the english essay he started last night.

\- - -

Jay calls them down for dinner half an hour later. Phoebe and Daisy are having a fight per usual, Fizzy and Louis messing around. Harry finds an empty seat next to Lottie, they're usually the only two chilled out when Harry's over for dinner. Or anytime at all to be honest. They don't say anything to each other today which is kind of weird. 

Harry doesn't exactly mind, his brain is tired as fuck thanks to school. And generally, hanging out with Louis tends to make him tired. He loves to be around Louis, but it's emotionally draining considering the fact that he's so loud and energetic all the time.

"How's Anne doing, Harry?" Jay asks, pulling Harry out of his thought bubble.

"Uh, she's good. She said you should come over for dinner sometime soon." Harry responds.

He looks over at Jay who smiles warmly at him.

"I'll call her later. Oh! Would you mind grabbing the mustard Pheebs?" 

"I always have to do that mum!" Phoebe complains.

Jay gives her a look, but Phoebe doesn't give in. It goes on for at least a minute before Louis sighs and gets up.

"I'll go get it." He mumbles quietly under his breath.

He meets Harry's eyes on the way back to the table, sending him a quick smile. Harry looks down at his plate almost immediately, feeling butterflies returning to his stomach.

What the hell is going on and most of all, how does he stop it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yea so i wrote two chapters in a day. i have no life tbh, hope you'll enjoy this <3

Harry plugs his air pods in, putting his playlist on shuffle before heading out into the cold morning air. It's colder than usual, October arrived three days ago. Shouldn't be too surprising, but it kind of does surprise him for some reason.

What also surprises him is when the music suddenly stops and 'the chain' starts playing. But not the full song, the specific ringtone he chose for Louis from the song is playing. He picks his phone up from the pocket, answering the call.

"Helloo." He says, his morning voice raspy and cracking.

 _"Haven't spoken to anyone today huh?"_ Louis teases him.

"Shut up." Harry snorts. "What do you want from grumpy morning-Harry?"

Louis giggles, leaving Harry biting his lip hard not to smile like a complete idiot.

_"Just wondering when you're coming to school."_

"Oh, yeah. In like a minute."

 _"Alright. I'm with Ni by the lockers. See you."_ Louis hangs up without another word.

Harry shakes his head, chuckling slightly. It's such a Louis thing to do, just hanging up when he's barely even said goodbye. He speeds up as he walks through the schools gate and walks quickly to his locker while getting his jacket off. 

As soon as he turns away from his locker, he spots Louis and Niall sat by a round table in the hallway. Looking like complete idiots per usual. They're probably looking for weird pictures of Harry, considering the fact that they do that quite often.

"Harreh!" Louis calls for him with a smile on his lips. 

Harry waves, walking over to them. It's weird, Louis usually barely notices Harry when he enters the school. This year he's been the complete opposite. Harry's barely gotten to his locker when Louis is at his side. He really enjoys it for some reason, it's just really weird that he's changed so damn quickly.

"Hi. What're you up to?" Harry asks, sitting down on the chair next to Louis. 

Louis flashes him yet another smile that Harry barely has time to return when Niall starts uncontrollably laughing. He leans closer to Louis, whispering into his ear.

_"Should we be worried?"_

_"Probably, to be honest."_ Louis whispers back.

Harry bites back a laugh.

"Neil, what are you on about?" Louis groans.

"Nothing. Just, found a great picture of Liam and Zayn." Niall answers.

Louis looks over at Harry, catching his gaze before rolling his eyes. 

"Anyway, what's your first lesson today?" Louis asks.

"Music." Harry sighs.

"Oh, we have class together then!" Louis smiles.

"Lucky. I've got fucking PE." Niall says. "I should get going anyway, see ya."

He leaves again and Harry picks his phone up almost immediately. Louis quirks an eyebrow at him.

"Trying to avoid me Harold?"

Harry chuckles and looks up from his phone. He punches Louis' arm lightly. Louis glares at him and tries to punch him back but Harry's quicker and grabs his hand to stop him. They lock eyes for a second, just looking at each other before Harry looks back to his phone and lets go of Louis' hand. 

"We should probably get going." Harry mumbles after checking the time.

Louis nods and follows Harry over to their classroom. Their teacher, Mr. Newton opens the door just the second they get there. Following the stream of their classmates, they manage to find an empty table where they sit down next to each other. 

Bianca, the girl that quite obviously is into Louis but Louis also happens to hate sits down right next to him. He looks over at Harry who laughs quietly before moving at least half a meter closer to the curly haired boy. Harry's breath hitches slightly in his throat, making him sigh quietly.

He turns slightly to his right to be able to see the whiteboard better and accidentally kicks Louis' leg. Louis glares at him and Harry mouths _'sorry'_ to him. The apology doesn't seem completely accepted as Louis rolls his eyes. But then, he probably didn't even get mad in the first place.

"Okay, so I'm going to be pairing you up three and three based on how you sit. Do not try to mess this up, alright?" Mr. Newton says.

Harry almost starts laughing. Three and three based on how they're sitting means Louis will have to work with him and guess who.. Bianca! Louis has already done the maths himself too as he looks over at Harry.

 _"Fucking save me."_ He whispers into Harry's ear.

_"You're probably with me, should make up for it. Slightly at least."_

Louis nods, grimacing before turning back to the board where Mr. Newton's already wrote down the different groups. Damn right, Harry, Louis and Bianca are in a group together.

"What you three are going to do is you're going to write a song. I don't care what kind of song it is or how many of you sing, as long as you write a complete song. You have a month from now to finish, so it's just for you to get started!" Mr. Newton says with a wide grin.

With a sigh, Louis does a drumroll on the table.

"Let's just get this over with then." He says, clearly not happy at all.

Bianca on the other hand looks over the moon happy. It makes Harry huff a laugh, how she thinks she's got the slightest chance of getting with Louis. There's nothing _wrong_ with Bianca, she is in fact a really nice person. 

It's just kind of fun how terribly she's crushing while Louis fully hates her, for no reason apart from her liking him. 

"How do we start?" Harry asks.

Bianca hums slightly.

"I think I have an idea." She says.

He picks up a notebook and starts writing.

**_your hand fits in mine like it's made just for me_ **

**_but bear this in mind, it was meant to be_ **

**_and i'm joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheek_ **

**_and it all makes sense to me_ **

"I think I have to write something here." Harry says and grabs the notebook.

_**i know you've never loved the crinkles by your eyes** _

_**when you smile** _

_**you've never loved your stomach or your thighs** _

_**the dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine** _

_**but i'll love them endlessly** _

Probably pretty obvious that it's about Louis, especially "the dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine". That is quite specific, but he can probably come up with an excuse for that. 

Without a word, Louis steals the notebook for a couple of minutes before turning it over for Harry and Bianca to read it through.

_**i won't let these little things slip out of my mouth** _

_**but if i do, it's you, oh, it's you, they add up to** _

_**i'm in love with you and all these little things** _

"That't it for today! See you next week!" Mr. Newton says, starting a chaos in the classroom.

Harry manages to get up quickly. When he's out of the classroom, he spots Louis talking to Bianca inside the classroom. He walks over to Harry, laughing.

"She asked me out to the cinema tonight." He says.

They both laugh for a while before walking over to english. 

"Hey, why didn't you say yes? Those lines you wrote tell me something." Harry teases him, elbowing Louis' stomach.

"It's, um, it's complicated. I'd like an explanation for yours, that was quite uh, specific." 

"Oh shut it. But yeah, complicated." Harry mumbles.

It really is. Being in love with the person you've been best friends with for years is kind of complicated. He catches Louis glancing over to him and they lock eyes for a second. 

Harry looks away immediately, not wanting to give Louis any weird imaginations. Although, he already has them himself. Louis has always, _always_ told him everything. Why on earth can't he tell Harry about who he likes? If not..

No, Louis definetely doesn't like him. Obviously.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ObViOUslY ; )


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry that it's been a while since I updated this, but there have been a lot of things going on lately. Also, it's really sick to see that this with just two chapter already has almost 100 hits! Thank you so much, I appreaciate everyone reading, commenting and leaving kudos <3

Harry walks over to the table where Louis is already sat waiting for him. They lock eyes for a moment and Harry sends him a smile to say thank you before looking away. He can't be bothered with Louis teasing him about it, he's been constantly harrassed since their song-writing session.

Not that he cares. Not too much at least. It's kind of what's so fun about being best friends with Louis, the constant teasing. But then, he also knows exactly when to stop. Louis might as well be the friendliest person on earth, at least if you'd ask Harry.

That might be because they've been best friends for ten years and he has a low-key crush on the boy with perfecly blue eyes. He shakes the thoughts off of Louis when he sits down - almost.

The table they're sat by is the smallest one in the classroom. Even if he'd try to move further away from him, their knees would still be pressed together. It shouldn't be distracting him, really - but it really is. 

_"Couldn't be bothered finding a more spacious table?"_ Harry whispers teasingly.

A smirk appears on Louis' lips and he elbows Harry gently. If it wasn't for the fact that they are in class right now, Harry would definetely have laughed out loud. 

\- - -

"Harreh!" Louis' voice is heard from behind.

Harry spins around and stops walking, waiting for Louis to jog up to him. They lock eyes for a split second before Harry looks away again. He's definetely been doing that a lot lately, truly a wonder that Louis isn't picking up on it yet.

"Louis! D'you have lunch now?" Harry asks.

"Yup. Figured I could use some company."

"Well, I was kind of wishing to actually be able to breathe and not be _haunted_ by you." Harry teases.

"Shut up."

Louis rolls his eyes, making Harry laugh.

"But yeah, I can give you some company I guess."

"Thanks." Louis smiles at him. "I'm just gonna drop my shit off in my locker."

Harry nods, following him there silently. He leans against the locker next to Louis, not letting his gaze off the boy while he puts his bag in. Louis looks up at him when putting the lock back on.

"What?" He sighs.

"Nothing, nothing. I don't really have anything else to do than wait here for you, not too deep Tommo."

Louis glares at him, still looking into his eyes. Although it kind of is kind of deep. It's not like having a crush on your best friend of ten years _isn't._ He should definetely try to shake those thoughts off for now to not make lunch _way_ too awkward.

He looks away and stands up after a couple of seconds and starts walking, Harry close behind. They for once manage to find a table moderately quickly and sits down before anyone else has time to take it from them. 

Lunch is silent. It usually is, but for some reason the silence isn't comfortable. Today it's just tense. Harry sighs after a while, deciding to break the silence.

"What're you doing after school?" He asks.

Louis shrugs, swallowing his food before looking up at Harry.

"Nothing much. Studying I guess. Why?"

"I'm alone for the whole evening and my house is creepy, just wondered if you wanna do something?" Harry says.

For real though - his house _is_ really creepy. First of all, it's built in the early 1800's. Just that makes everything not fun. Because it's so old it's obviously a really nice house, at least if you ask Harry, but there are a lot of weird noises coming with old houses. 

Creaking floorboards, wind blowing into the attic, knowing that someone might have died there at some point. It's freaky. Although, it's kind of fun to throw halloween parties there when all of your friends think it's haunted. The only thing that _isn't_ fun about that is the fact that Harry too thinks it's haunted. But that's besides the point. Or something like that, until he's going to bed. 

"Yeah, sure. We're watching my cousins' dog this week, is it okay if we hang at mine?" Louis asks.

"Of course. What do you have after lunch?" 

"English and maths."

Harry sighs.

"I have those exact things but not at the same time as you." He whines.

"Well, life isn't always fair Harold." Louis giggles, poking at Harry's cheek as they get up.

It really shouldn't make Harry blush, but it does. He lets himself fall behind Louis until he feels the heat gone. Exposing his crush to Louis isn't exactly what he plans on doing today. Maybe some day, no - _definetely_ some day. But definetely not this particular one.

\- - -

When Harry exits the school building he spots Louis sitting on a bench with his phone. His pulse rises as he walks up to the boy. He's just today realised how not so very lowkey his crush is - he will have to do something about it soon.

What exactly that means is very unclear. Talking to his mum is a possibility but then she'll probably just tell Louis' mum. Talking to Gemma _might_ work, but she's not too good on giving advice. 

Plus, he realises, he's not even out to his family. That is in the works for sure. But it doesn't make things easy exactly - he'll need time to come out. And time is just what he might not be ready to give this any more of soon. He sighs and takes the last steps over to Louis, deciding to be a little teasing. Might be just what his brain needs.

"Ready to go Loulou?" Harry asks.

He smirks when Louis glares up at him. They've been over how much Louis hates being called Loulou before, because apparantly only his sisters and mum calls him that and it's cringe. But also, it's really fun to tease him. 

"One, don't _ever_ call me that. Two, sure. If you don't call me 'Loulou' again." 

"Fine." Harry sighs. 

Louis gets up, sending a smile to Harry. He starts walking in the wrong direction. He knows where Louis' house is, they have known each other for the past ten years. Plus, his own house is in that direction. His mind just seems caught up on something else.

Something that's called not wanting to fuck everything up by having a terrible crush on your best friend. Also, was it stupid to call Louis 'Loulou'? He might as well be really mad about it, they have had fights about it before. Wouldn't be too surprising.

"For gods sake Harry." Louis sighs silently.

Before Harry knows of it, Louis has grabbed his hand and is pulling him to start walking in the other direction. Harry giggles, meeting Louis' clear blue eyes. He doesn't really grab that they are kind of holding hands until he looks down, something he usually does.

His breath hitches, body tensing up when he realises that Louis in fact grabbed his hand half a minute ago. Why on earth isn't he letting go of it? Not that Harry necessarily _minds_ , it's just not a very Louis thing to do.

When he looks up again Louis is looking at him already. There's a hint of pink on the other's cheeks. Harry decides not to dive into it though, probably just the cold air.

"Sorry." Louis mumbles and lets go of Harry's hand.

Harry opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. Instead he just sends a smile over to Louis who looks away. 

\- - -

He can't let go of it. It was a _way_ too casual move to just grab Harry's hand like that. And also, just totally weird. He shouldn't have done that. A tear finds it's way down his cheek, because there are so, so many things Harry deserves to know but doesn't.

The way that Harry is the only thing keeping him alive some days. He's the literal light at the end of the long, dark tunnel. 

How badly he's falling for those locks and the perfect green eyes. How perfect he thinks Harry is, even at the times he shouldn't be able to be. 

How so _not_ casual it was for him to hold Harry's hand, even if just for a that short amount of time.

And most of all - how much he wants to be able to do that without feeling weird about it. How much _more_ he wants. Harry's the must huggable and cuddly person to ever exisy. That's probably the one thing he'd want. Cuddles, while watching movies in his old, creepy house. 

A smile curl his lips notacibly, thoughts of Harry calmly helping him drift off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!:)<3


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this is moving a lot quicker than i thought it would ;)  
> we have a couple of chapters left before they actually do something about this but i can't really wait too long because i'm an impatient little shit.

Harry lets out a yawn before picking his phone up. Three texts, all from Kendall. He should block her because she's pretty annoying to be honest. But he won't, because then he'd be equally as terrible.

**Kendall: Hey, whats up? <3**

He sighs. She's been on about getting with Harry for over three years now and really can't seem to get the hint that he isn't interested. 

**Harry: Nothing much. U?**

There's barely time to put his phone down before it buzzes again. And thus, the conversation is on.

**Kendall: Missing u :( U wanna join me to the mall after school?**

**Harry: Sorry, I have a lot of homework to do**

**Kendall: Just admit that you'd rather be with me than do homework Harry**

**Kendall: Or is this about Louis again? Because if it is - ew.**

**Harry: Do you have a problem with me not being interested in you? We've been over this multiple times Kendall and I really don't want to get mad.**

He doesn't. He never ever wants to. But Kendall just gets on his nerves, so easily it's going to be the death of him. He doesn't mean to snap at her like he does but it's hard when she can't take the hint. And he doesn't exactly want to tell her of all people first that he's gay.

 **Kendall: People can change.** **Plus, we could study together**

**Kendall: Omg that would be so goals**

**Harry: Kendall, no. I don't want to and I'm really sorry if I'm letting you down. I promise, someone else is more interested in you and would be better for you than I am. This conversation is over.**

He puts his phone down on the bedside table and gets up. He manages falling over at least three times on his way over to the little couch where his clothes are neatly placed. For sure his phone goes off at least ten times. But does he really care? No, he doesn't. If it isn't Louis. Is it Louis?

Feeling his heart speed up he stumbles over to his phone. It isn't Louis. Good. He lets out a sigh and walks back over to the couch, getting his tight black jeans and a green hoodie on. He jogs down the stairs while plugging his earphones in, shuffling Fleetwood Mac per usual.

He hums along as silently as possible while getting a slice of bread. After a while, there's a fist punching his arm lightly. He turns his head, facing a smirking Gemma.

"Morning idiot." She says.

Harry snorts and shoves her playfully. 

"How's Louis? Haven't seen him around lately."

Gemma places her arm around his shoulders, leaning tiredly against him. Blushing Harry turns away and walks towards the table. He sits down and shrugs, trying to play it cool. Gemma isn't buying it.

"Harry. Is there something I should know that I don't? You know I'm not telling on you." 

"I know." Harry mumbles. He lets out a sigh. "Okay, well. I did mean to tell you earlier but.."

He looks down at his feet, pulse constantly rising. She scoots her chair closer to him, hugging him tightly. 

"Sorry." He mumbles.

"It's okay." Gemma soothes him. 

Harry smiles nervously at her and takes a deep breath.

"I- I'm gay." 

He looks up at Gemma. She looks like shock hit her hard in the face, but then her face breaks out in a smile and tears start falling down her cheeks. She hugs him tighter than ever before in his sixteen year old life.

"I'm so, so proud of you little Haz." She says softly. "Thank you for telling me."

Harry just smiles, crying his eyes out. 

They stay like that for a good five minutes before Harry pulls away. He dries his wet face onto the sleeve of his hoodie and smiles at Gemma.

"Thanks. For just, being here."

"Always. I promise. You're always going to be my little brother, and I'm always going to love you. Except for if you become a serial killer."

"I won't, don't worry about it." Harry chuckles.

"Good. I should get going. I love you Harry, bye." She ruffles through his curly hair.

"Bye Gems, love you."

God, he really does love her. At least today - wait until their next fight and he'll despise her again. He looks up at the clock, realising he needs to leave in ten minutes. He quickly finishes the slice of bread still laying untouched on his plate before rushing upstairs and brushing his teeth.

He drags his brown chelsea boots on, along with a thick winter jacket. It's probably not too cold so he wouldn't actually freeze all too much without it, but he's always better off warm and not complaining. 

\- - -

"Alright then. I'm not going to keep you from it - continue where you left off last time!" Mr. Newton says. 

Harry glances over at Louis who lets out a quiet sigh as Bianca gets up and walks over to their table. She sits down without a single word to either of them, her long black hair bouncing with every step she takes. Harry catches Louis eyes. It's hard enough not laughing as it is, with Louis being this annoyed about the whole Bianca situation and when he then rolls his eyes, he almost can't hold it together anymore.

"Okay." Harry says. "Let's just start."

Louis nods, moving closer to Harry's side and steals the notepad from him. 

_**you can't go to bed without a cup of tea** _

_**maybe that's the reason that you talk in your sleep** _

_**and all those conversations are the secrets that i keep** _

_**though it makes no sense to me** _

"Good. Really good." Harry says quietly. "Although, you might have some explaining to do." He mumbles, quiet enough for only Louis to hear.

"Shut up." Louis hisses back at him.

He can see Bianca rolling her eyes at them, but decides not to care. He doesn't even if he wants to. 

"D'you have anything Bianca?" Harry asks.

She shakes her head. He nods and starts writing.

_**i know you've never loved the sound of your voice on tape** _

_**you never want to know how much you weigh** _

_**you still have to squeeze into your jeans** _

_**but you're perfect to me** _

Louis glances up at him, eyebrows furrowed. He's fucked, and will never in a million years get away with this. It's just lucky for him not to have any classes with Louis for the next two days and then by the time the weekend arrives Louis will hopefully have forgotten about it. For a little while.

"Um, should we just take the same 'I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth' thing again and keep that as the chorus?" Louis asks, sounding nervous.

Which is weird. Louis is never nervous. Ever. The amount of times Harry has seen him nervous for the past ten years could be counted on one hand. 

"I think it's good. Let's keep it." Bianca says after reading it through.

Considering it's the only thing she's put in today and she's right, both Louis and Harry nods. Harry who still has the papers in his hands isn't slow to write it down just as mr. Newton announces that their time is up.

_**i won't let these little things slip out of my mouth** _

_**but if i do, it's you, oh, it's you, they add up to** _

_**i'm in love with you and all these little things** _

Harry slams the book shut before saying goodbye to Louis and Bianca, rushing out of the classroom. He's not in a hurry, but the quicker he gets out, the less time Louis'll have to question him on the lyrics.

The verse he wrote last week can definetely be excused. But this one, it's just.. Too obvious. Louis knows of it now too. And Harry is well.. Just really, really fucked things up. He sighs and walks over to his next class, only to spot Louis walking in his direction. 

His pulse rises and he quickly makes his way over to the toilets. Nobody's there and nobody's footsteps are heard. He takes a deep breath before walking back out, not noticing Louis leaning against the wall.

\- - -

Louis shakes his head, sighing slightly. He really should ask Harry about it. But then, it might as well be nothing. Although, he has told Harry the exact things that were just written down on that paper. 

And that's truly, terribly distracting. It is in fact probably going to distract him from everything until he has the answer of what the fuck is going on. He gets up and leaves the classroom last of everybody per usual, apart from Bianca chatting to mr. Newton about something. 

He is supposed to go to the corridor on his left, but then he spots Harry right in front of him. Should he do something right now? Probably not, but then. He is Louis Tomlinson and if you are, you don't just go around and wait for things to happen. He can't be bothered waiting for it to happen, he has to actually _make_ it happen.

With a deep breath he starts walking in Harry's direction. Harry looks over at him for a split second before walking into the toilets. So does Louis. He really shouldn't be doing this. He lets some water run over his hand and dries it off only so much that it's still a bit wet before running it through his hair. 

That way, it won't be suspicious if Harry sees him there. He usually does this a couple of times every day, to make his hair stay in place. When Harry does walk out, he's staring down into the floor. He doesn't notice Louis who sighs and leans against the toilet wall. 

Fuck knows how much he wants to know what's going on in Harry's head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I decided to make a part of this chapter in Gemmas POV, because she's really close to Harry (at least in this fic) and I felt like I wanted to try something new! The parts that aren't in Gemmas POV is going to be in Louis' because I felt like that just fit in.

Harry's phone has been buzzing constantly for the past thirty minutes, and I'm really tempted to go check it. Honestly the only thing that's stopping me is the fact that he literally just came out to me - because he trusts me. And the last thing I should to is throw that trust into the trashcan now. I mean, he is in the shower. I know that for a fact. Fuck it - I'm checking his phone. He'll never have to know anyway.

I walk over to his phone, lying on the drawer next to my bed. I have no idea why it's even in here in the first place, but that's not important. I turn it on. Louis. Of course it's Louis, who else would be texting Harry at ten pm. Exactly, nobody. 

**Louis (9.47): Hey, can we talk later?**

**Louis (9.49): You seemed bothered by something after music class**

**Louis (9.49): I mean**

**Louis (9.52): You don't have to tell me**

**Louis (9.52): But please do**

**Louis (9.53): If you want to**

**Louis (9.53): And need to**

**Louis (10.03): Harry?**

**Louis (10.04): K now I'm worried for real Harold**

**Louis (10.05): Can I call you?**

**Louis (10:10): HARRY**

**Louis (10.11): WHY AREN'T YOU REPLYING TO MY TEXTS YOU HAVE A VERY WORRIED FRIEND**

**Louis (10.17): Right that's it. I'm coming over.**

I bite my lip. Does this have something to do with Harry just randomly leaving his phone in my room to take a shower? Now that I think about it, he actually has been acting weird today. Or, at least since he came home from school. I walk over to the bathroom and knock on the door when I hear the water turn off.

"Hey, Louis' been constantly texting you for a while. Your phone is in my room, in case you forgot." I say.

"Okay." Harry mumbles.

I walk back over to my room. He walks in just a moment later, towel around his waist. He picks his phone up before walking over to his room. For once, he actually closes the door to my room. If anything, that's a sign something isn't right. I walk downstairs and grab a glass of water when the doorbell rings.

It's probably Louis, although Harry doesn't seem to care. Nothing even moves in his room. I sigh and walk down to the front door. I unlock, facing Louis. Having seen him more or less once every two days for ten years, I can tell that he's worried.

"Hey." I say, opening the door for him to come inside.

"Is Harry home?" Louis asks, kicking his shoes off and hanging his jacket up where it usually is, next to Harry's.

"Yeah. He's in his room."

Louis nods before walking up the stairs, not giving me another word.

\- - - _Louis POV_

I should say something more to Gemma, I could ask her about it. But my business here is talking to Harry, not his sister. I walk up to his room and carefully knock on his door. Nothing. No response, no noise. I sigh.

"Harry? Can I come in?"

There's still no response, and I take that as a yes. I open the door, finding Harry curled up in the corner of his bed. He's got a pair of black sweatpants and a yellow hoodie on, the hood dragged over his head. Tears are eating his face up, eyes closed.

"Harry.. Come here." I mumble softly, sitting down next to him.

He shakes his head, and I have no idea what to do. I stay still for a couple of seconds before hugging him tightly. He's stiff, not moving for a while before falling into my arms, nuzzling his nose into the crook of my neck. My hands form a pattern, rubbing his back softly. I hear him sniff once before pulling away. He dries his tears away before meeting my eyes.

"You- you didn't have to come here. Re-really." He says, voice wavering from crying.

"Haz, I'm really not bothered, I wouldn't have if I didn't want to, okay? And you know, I really don't care if you don't want to talk. I just got really worried when you didn't even respond to my texts."

"Sorry. I- I mean, it's- it's complicated." He mumbles.

"It's okay. I'm here when you're ready to talk, please just don't ignore me okay?"

Harry nods and I let myself not resist the urge to place a hand on his back, moving it in a circle gently.

"Now that you're here anyway, wanna do something?" He asks.

"Sure." I smile.

He doesn't want me gone at least - and that's always something.

\- - -

I pace around my room uncomfortably. Louis got here over two hours ago and I haven't seen or heard anything from either him or Harry. It's worrying. I hear the door unlock, open and then close again and walk downstairs immediately.

"Hi mum. Want help cooking?" I ask.

She eyes me suspiciously, furrowing her brows slightly.

"Yeah sure. Everything okay?"

I shrug, letting out a sigh.

"Dunno. Harry was acting weird and I'm a bit worried."

"Oh. Did you try talking to him?" Mum asks.

I shake my head. Should I have? He probably wouldn't have let me anyway, honestly.

"Louis' here."

"Alright. You in the mood for something specific for dinner?" She asks and I just shake my head. "Okay. Let's do some tacos then."

I smile and nod, knowing exactly what this is about. She leaves for a while and I honestly have no idea where she goes. Not that I care, probably just saying hi to Harry and Louis or something. I start placing out what we usually have for tacos, starting to chop the tomatos when I hear footsteps behind me - they aren't mum's.

"Hey. Sorry for just walking past you like that earlier." I hear Louis say.

I twist my head over towards him with a smile.

"It's alright. How's Harry?" I ask.

Louis sighs, leaning against the counter. 

"Honestly? No idea. He was crying when I got here but he isn't talking to me about it. He seems a little better now though, but you know how he is with hiding how he actually feels to not bother anyone."

"Yeah." I chuckle.

He's always been like that. Too caring about the people around him to take time on feeling good himself. Louis' quiet for so long after that I actually have to look over at him to make sure he hasn't died or something. I don't want Louis to haunt our house - no offence. 

"Want me to help out with anything?" He then asks.

"Sure." I say. "Um, do I trust you with cooking the meat?"

"Probably not, honestly." He laughs.

"Do I trust you with _anything_?" I laugh. "You can take over here if you'd like."

"Sure." He says.

Louis helping me cook for the twenty minutes that he does turns out to be really nice. Generally it's nice to be around Louis. What starts with a chat about school ends with arguing over whether Green Day or Ariana Grande is the best. It abruptly ends when Anne's footsteps are heard from the stairs. Louis almost immediately walks up to Harry's room and mum takes over chopping the last vegetables.

"What's up with him?" I ask.

"I don't know." Mum sighs.

I nod and neither one of us says anything more. It's frustrating, why can't he just talk like a normal person and stop hiding?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nervous Harry :( But it ends on a pretty good note at least!

Harry's shaking with nervousness. They have the last lesson to finish up writing their song and then they're onto practising it. He feels a hand on his back and turns his head. Louis. Of course it's Louis. He gives him a small smile, but Louis clearly isn't buying it. 

"Harry, take it easy. D'you want me and Bianca to finish this alone and you can rest a bit?" He asks softly.

"No, I - it's okay. I'll help you, don't worry about it."

"Harold Edward Styles. I'm not arguing, but if you need to leave that's okay." Louis says. "Alright?"

"Alright." Harry nods.

He takes a deep breath when mr. Newton opens the door and lets them in. While everyone else seems to be working, Harry's just sitting there. Staring right at the white wall in front of him. It's not like he's stressed, just doesn't want to write anything. In fact - he can't. His brain isn't working.

"Hey, how's this Harry?" Louis nudges him and passes over the notepad.

_**You never love yourself half as much as I love you** _

_**And you'll never treat yourself right, darling, but I want you to** _

_**If I let you know, I'm here for you** _

_**Maybe you'll love yourself like I love you** _

_**And I've just let these little things slip out of my mouth** _

_**'Cause it's you, oh, it's you, it's you they add up to** _

_**And I'm in love with you and all these little things** _

_**I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth** _

_**But if it's true, it's you, it's you they add up to** _

_**I'm in love with you and all your little things** _

"That's really good." He mumbles, nodding.

Louis says something along the lines of asking mr. Newton for a music room. Harry's throat gets tighter. He can't do this, his brain is shutting down. He walks out of the classroom and out of the school buliding, curling into a ball against the wall. Tears start to run down his face. He can hear the door open and close. Louis crouches down next to him, he can tell it's Louis. Only Louis could ever have a hoodie this soft, smelling as much of coca cola and kfc. 

"Hey, d'you want to come inside? We need your angelic singing love." He says softly. 

"Yeah. I'm sorry. Just - can I tell you something?"

Harry looks over at Louis, locking eyes with him.

"Yeah, 'course."

"I- I'm gay."

Louis wraps him up in a tight hug within a second and Harry can basically _feel_ his smile. 

"Thanks for telling me. I'm proud of you Harry." Louis softly says when Harry pulls away.

It's in this moment, Harry realises how much he just really desperately wants to kiss Louis. He thinks he notices Louis eyes flicker down to his lips for just a split second.

"Let's go inside." Harry says after a while. "I'm cold. And really wants that song to be over with." 

He picks his buzzing phone up on the way inside.

**Kendall (1.55): Harry**

**Kendall (1.55): I need your help. Desperately.**

**Harry (1.56): With?**

**Kendall (1.57): Look I know you hate me. But look, one of the boys in my class is hitting on me a LOT. So like, could you just like pretend to be my boyfriend to get him to stop?** ****

**Harry (1.58): I really want to help you. Just - maybe not by being your fake boyfriend of all things?  
**

**Kendall (1.59): Oh come onnn, why is it SO HARD?**

**Harry (2.00): Sorry Kendall. Try someone else. Bye.**

He sighs, putting his phone on do not disturb. He'll deal with that later. He's fallen behind Louis and jogs up to him quickly, accidentally nudging their shoulders together. Louis looks over at him with a slight smile. They walk over to the music room where Bianca is waiting for them in silence. 

"Okay then. What instruments are we having?" Bianca asks, sounding completely uninterested.

"I think just like piano, guitar and some drums for the background maybe?" Louis answers. 

"Sure. Who's singing?" She continues.

Both of them looks over at Harry.

"Not alone. Louis, come on, sing a little at least. I can't sing that _all_ alone."

"Alright, alright. I'll sing a bit. Can you play the drums Bianca?"

She nods.

"Great. Harry, the guitar is yours."

They start fooling around with the piano and guitar, finding the right melody surprisingly quickly. Bianca isn't slow to get the hang of it on the drums and within half an hour, the song is finished. 

"Alright. Let's try it out. I can take one of the verses if you want me to Harry?"

"Sure. Could we take the choruses together as well?"

"Yeah. Can I take this part?" Louis asks, pointing at the verse he wrote.

_**you can't go to bed without a cup of tea** _

_**maybe that's the reason that you talk in your sleep** _

_**and all those conversations are the secrets that I keep** _

_**though it makes no sense to me** _

"Uh, yeah."

"Can I put something in here?" Bianca asks and both Louis and Harry nods. "Like, wouldn't it be cool if you sing one of the verses together? Like, Harry sings one line and Louis the next and you switch like that for the whole verse?"

"Shit, that's a great idea. The first one?" Louis suggests.

"It's a deal." Harry nods.

Without another word, he takes the lead and gets the intro chords to the song perfectly. Accompanied by Louis' soft piano and the faint sound of drums, he starts the song up.

" _Your hand fits in mine, like it's made just for me._ " 

" _But bear this in mind, it was meant to be._ " Louis continues.

When they're finished, Harry turns around to see mr. Newton leaning against the door. He must have came inside in the middle of the song.

"That's something else." He nods. "You have five more minutes, great job this far!"

Harry and Louis locks eyes for a moment, with a look telling the other ' _you're great'._ But neither of them would ever accept the fact that are pretty good. Not in a million years. Although, if Harry's going to be completely honest he has heard Louis sing before. And dreamt of having a future with the blue eyed boy, cuddled up on a couch while harmonising to songs. 

It's never going to happen though. He knows it isn't. He just can't help it, wishing and hoping that it is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i'm an impatient little shit that really wanted this chapter published, so here you go! i smiled way too much while writing this :')  
> ALSO!! this is not in any way the end, there's so much more to this fanfic than what i've published until now, don't worry.  
> lastly ; i can not believe that this almost has 200 hits, it's insane. THANK YOU <333

Harry wakes up and falls while getting out of bed. His head is throbbing and he's hot. Actually, he doesn't know whether he's hot or cold. No matter which one is the answer - he for sure is sick. He gets up and walks downstairs to the kitchen where Anne is sitting, drinking a cup of tea.

"Morning sweetie." She says.

"Morning." He responds.

"Are you okay?" She asks, quirking her eyebrows.

"Dunno, feel a bit ill."

"You sure look like it. I think you should stay home, I'll call school for you."

"Okay." He shrugs, not really caring about it. 

She leaves the house for work ten minutes later, so when Harry's phone buzzes he doesn't care about it. She's probably just worried and he doesn't have energy to answer. Then after five minute, a call reaches it. But for a fact he knows that it's Louis, he got a special sound for him. Despite wanting to puke when moving, he picks his phone up and accepts the call.

"Aren't you in school?" Harry asks, voice raspy.

"No." Louis answers. "Can I come by? I- I need to talk to you."

"Yeah, sure. There's an extra key under the doormat, I'm in my room."

"Thanks. I'll be there in five." Louis says and hangs up before Harry has time to say anything more.

Louis _never_ stays home from school. _Ever_. Something is definetely up - he doesn't even sound necessarily sick. There was definetely something up with the way he spoke. Not as loud and explosive as usual. Harry starts pacing back and forth in his room but stops quickly when he feels like he could literally throw up. Instead of walking in circles he walks downstairs and grabs some chocolate while waiting for Louis.

Just when he sits down on his bed again, the front door opens and closes. It's not long until Louis steps into his room, soaking wet. Is it raining? He looks outside - it isn't raining. It's snowing. He turns back to Louis. He's wearing a green hoodie and adidas sweatpants. He looks up into his blue eyes. He's been crying.

"What's up Lou?" Harry asks.

His raspy voice goes soft with worry. He gets up from his bed, wrapping his arms tightly around Louis. He's even colder than you'd expect just looking at him, and Harry can't help but to do something about it.

"God, you're cold. Wait a second." Harry says and walks over to his wardrobe. He grabs a fluffy, black hoodie and hands it to Louis. "Change that damn shirt, I don't want you to freeze to death." He meets Louis' hesitant eyes. "I know what you're going to say - don't. I'll get my phone or something, okay?"

Louis nods. He doesn't move out of his shirt until Harry's sat on his bed again. He does scroll a bit on his phone, but it's too tempting not to let his gaze fall back on Louis. He's too damn perfect. The small dimple in his back and curved waist - the exact things Harry exposes himself of loving in their song for school.

When Louis spins around again, facing Harry instead of having his back against him Harry immediately looks down at his phone again, pretending as if he's been doing this the whole time. They lock eyes for a moment while Louis sits down next to him. He sighs and looks down at his feet. Harry doesn't let his gaze go anywhere but Louis. His brown hair is dripping wet, almost black from the rain.

"I - my mum's sick." Louis says. "Don't say you're sorry because it isn't even why I came here. Look - I just realised how fucking short life is."

"Yeah? And I am by the way, sorry." Harry says, filling the silent gap up.

"Shut it Harold. Just, that damn song."

Harry stiffens up at the mention. Here goes nothing - his lie is detected. He isn't getting away. Never in a million years. 

"I, uh, yeah? What about it?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about you little shit." Louis rolls his eyes, looking over at Harry. "' _The dimples in your back'_? _'The crinkles by your eyes'_? _'You've never loved your stomach or your thighs'_? The entire fucking fourth verse?"

"What about the entire third verse then? You're forgetting your own mistakes here mister." Harry fights back.

"Yeah, yeah." Louis says, waving a little with his hand. He looks over at Harry, meeting his gaze. "Are you gonna make me say this?" He sighs.

"Maybe, yeah."

"Alright, I think you should just explain those lyrics."

"Fucking hell." Harry groans.

Is he about to do this? Expose the secret he's been keeping for the past two years? Yeah, definetely. His pulse rises, the hint of pink on his cheeks turning a brighter red.

"Oh come on, it ain't that _hard._ "

"No? Do it yourself Tommo." Harry snorts. "Alright, I can put this simply. Or you can have the harder version - no you're not gonna get to hear the whole thing."

"Spit it out. What's it about? No, _who_ is it about?"

Harry takes a deep breath and closes his eyes.

"You." He mumbles.

It's silent. Louis does that sometimes. Stays quiet until Harry opens his eyes again when he has to check if he's left or not. When he finally does, Louis' eyes are flickering over his face.

"Are you, wait - like, for real?" Louis asks, completely unsure of what to say.

Harry nods, not daring to look away from Louis in case he'll run off in fear. 

"I like you Louis. A fucking lot."

"You got the lucky card then." Louis says, grabbing Harry's hand gently. "Because I like you too. A fucking lot."

Harry glances down at their hands and then back up at Louis with a nervous smile. Louis smiles back, giving his hand a squeeze. They stay like that for at least a minute. Is this actually real? Harry almost has to pinch himself - because this might just be another dream. Either he's fallen asleep or he's just so feverish he's hallucinating. He looks over to the table next to his bed, remembering the chocolate he brought upstairs.

"Want some chocolate?" Harry asks.

"Are you sure? You don't have to give me any."

"Don't you dare lose your sass Louis. I'll call the police. Do you want chocolate, yes or no?"

"Yeah, sure." Louis chuckles. 

Harry lets go of Louis' hand and gets some chocolate from them both out of the paper it's wrapped up in. He hands some over to Louis with a smile.

"Thanks." Louis says.

"Aren't you supposed to be in school though? I mean, you don't seem sick." Harry says after a while.

Louis looks away, out of the window and sighs. He shakes his head slightly.

"I just, I dunno. I don't feel like I'd be able to stay concentrated." Harry frowns at him. "My mum." Louis reminds him.

"Shit, yeah, sorry. Should've remembered that. Do you want to talk about it?" 

Harry takes Louis' hand again, rubbing his thumb across the back of it.

"It's okay." Louis answers, smiling slightly.

"I'm here if you need anything. Always."

"Thanks." Louis says quietly, taking a bite of his chocolate.

It's only now Harry realises that Louis hasn't eaten anything from it until now while he himself has already finished all of his. That if anything is worrying, even if Louis says he's alright. He's always the one out of the two to finish his food the quickest. He doesn't say anything about it though, it would have ruined the calm feeling. Not to mention, Louis likes him back.

It jolts him back into reality and he looks over at Louis. It has to be a dream or Louis is straight up just pranking him with all of this. He might be. It wouldn't be all too surprising. He takes a deep breath and shakes his head, trying not to overthink this. Louis wouldn't be holding his hand if it was a prank - right?

"You're not pranking me right? With all that you just said?" Harry asks quietly.

Louis looks over at him with quirked eyebrows and tilts his head.

"What? Why would I do that?"

"I don't know." Harry sighs. "I'm just scared that this is a fever dream."

"It isn't. Promise." Louis says.

He smiles and tucks a loose strand of Harry's hair behind his ear. His arm drops loosely around Harry's shoulders, pulling him closer to Louis. 

"Are you trying to get sick?" Harry teases him.

"Yeah, otherwise I can't be with you."

"Oh shut up." Harry says, blushing.

"Ooh, can't even handle a compliment can you? Look how quirky my little Hazza can be." Louis says, poking at Harry's bright pink cheek. 

Harry laughs, resting his head on Louis' shoulder. He is taller than Louis, but feels so much smaller than him right now. A vulnerable mess, wanting nothing else than to keep Louis here forever and ever. ' _My little Hazza'_ is playing on loop in his head, making him smile again. He looks up at Louis, only to realise that his blue eyes are already on him. 

"Can you stay for long?" Harry mumbles.

"I'll stay for as long as you want me to."

"Looks like you're never leaving then. It's just infinite cuddles."

"Sounds like a plan." Louis chuckles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is there anything you want me to add to this? or take away from it?
> 
> thank you for reading! <3


	8. Chapter 8

When Harry wakes up the next morning he feels a lot better. But that might also just be him not being able to let go of Louis. Or both. He's going to stay home though, he can't be bothered going to school when he looks like a trashcan. He snorts at himself. A trashcan is surely not the most criticising thing he could come up for himself but it'll do.

Spending time on bringing himself down isn't really fun anyway. He walks downstairs and grabs a slice of bread. When he's back in his room Louis' texting him.

**Louis: Are you coming today?**

**Harry: No :(( Unless you want the flu and die?**

**Louis: I'd rather not**

**Louis: Can I come by after school though? <3**

Harry's cheeks heat up instantly at the heart and he takes a deep breath, shakily texting back.

**Harry: Yeah, sure**

**Harry: See you <3**

**Louis: Yep <3**

Smiling, Harry climbs into his bed and curls in under the blanket. He finishes the bread over some youtube clip that he doesn't even pay attention to and ends up falling asleep.

\- - -

When Louis walks into Harry's room, the curly haired boy is sleeping. He fonds slightly at the sight. Yawning, Louis sits down on Harry's bed and runs a hand through his curls. Harry opens his eyes confusedly but smiles when he sees Louis.

"Hi." Louis says quietly.

"Hey. What time is it?" Harry asks, sitting up.

"Three pm."

Harry groans and lies back down, staring into the ceiling. 

"Dad's gonna be home soon then." Louis meets Harry's eyes with a frown, making Harry sigh. "One - not out to him. Two - he's homophobic."

"Oh. I- I'm sorry?" Louis says, sounding unsure of whether or not that's the right thing to say.

"It's alright. Why'd you come over?"

"Wanted to check in on my little Hazza, am I not allowed to?"

"Yeah, just. It's weird for you to just randomly come by I guess. Now that you're here, you don't happen to have any gossip?"

Louis groans and lies down on his stomach next to Harry, head on the taller boy's chest.

"Kendall's been bugging me all day about where you've been."

"Oh god. Not too surprising." There's a silence. "D'you wanna do something now that you're here though?"

"Sure. Movie?"

Harry smiles.

"You're trying to get me to watch _Lion King_ again. I'm down!"

Louis cheers, making Harry laugh on his way over to get his computer. He sits back down next to Louis and yawns. Louis grabs the computer from him and quickly finds the movie. They lock eyes and exchange a smile before Harry leans into Louis' side, resting his head on his shoulder as the movie starts. 

"When do you need to be home?" Harry mumbles a while in.

He looks up at Louis and meets his blue eyes. They're sparkling from the light coming from Harry's computer screen. It's beautiful. Louis' eyes are always beautiful - they're in fact gorgeus - but there's something about them when a small amount of light shines on them that makes the blue seem even more blue. It's weird.

"Like, an hour. I think mum's picking me up."

A jolt of anxiety runs through Harry's body. Neither of their mums know about them. Not yet, at least. But that's besides the point - Harry doesn't necessarily _want_ them to know for now. He needs to actually know that Louis isn't just going to get tired of him all of a sudden first. Or actually, he might want to tell his mum _before_ the day that that is going to happen, in case he needs the support. Louis furrows his brows at the apparent anxiety rising in Harry's eyes.

"Harry?" He asks softly.

"Nothing. Just, what if my mum - or your mum - would find out?" Louis smiles at him and hugs him tightly. "Like, I want them to know. But you know how I am. Need to take my time and all of that."

"I know Haz, I know." Louis almost whispers.

He pulls Harry even closer and for now this is good. Harry feels safe. Safer than ever. He presses himself even closer to Louis, feeling a hand playing around with his curls. He looks up at Louis for a split second, but looks away again when Louis looks back at him. 

Louis places his hand gently to Harry's chin and tilts his head back towards him. He's smiling at Harry. It doesn't take long for Harry to smile back. His hands finds their way around Louis' neck. Before he knows of it, Louis is leaning down to kiss him. As Harry closes his eyes, butterflies jolts through his body. Before he has time to think, Louis' lips are capturing his own softly.

If you'd ask Harry before, he'd guess Louis just tastes of junk food, tea or coke. He doesn't. He tastes of chocolate - must have stolen some from Harry's bed, lemon and something he can't put his finger completely on. He doesn't have time to figure it out as the front door unlocks and he pulls away. He smiles at Louis before sitting down comfortably, head on Louis' chest. This, just this is perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> except for the fact you're giving him the damn flu harry..
> 
> thank you for reading! <3


	9. Chapter 9

Harry leaves a careful knock on Louis' front door. He waits for a couple of seconds before Jay opens with a welcoming smile. It's an amazing thing to see her at least happy and considering how bad Louis makes everything sounds, it's a relief to see that she doesn't look just as bad as he says she is. Might be because she doesn't want to show him that she is in fact as bad as Louis is telling Harry. Sounds fair.

"Come in Harry! Louis is in his room." She gestures at him to come inside.

She then disappears into Fizzy's room, leaving Harry alone. He quietly unties his shoelaces and kicks his shoes off. Hanging the jacket up, he remembers that he'll probably scare Louis to death - he doesn't know Harry's here. But Harry desperately needs to talk to him. Okay, not _desperately_ maybe. But something along those lines and couldn't bare with himself to be wasting any time. He walks across the living room and up the stairs, taking a deep breath before knocking on Louis' door. Why is he nervous about this?

"Yes?" Louis sighs from inside his room.

Without a word, Harry opens the door. He doesn't say anything and waits for Louis to look up. He's sitting in his bed, scrolling on his phone. When he looks up his tired face lights up slightly at the sight of Harry in his doorstep. 

"Like sneaking up on me do you?" Louis smiles.

Harry chuckles and walks over to Louis' bed to sit down next to him. Louis' head drops onto his shoulder. He places his arm around the smaller boys waist and presses a kiss to his temple.

"Guess so." He mumbles.

Louis looks up into his eyes with a smile.

"Why'd you come here? Without even _warning_ _me_."

"Shut your mouth _Loulou._ " Harry teases him.

Louis punches his stomach gently. Deciding to tease him even more, Harry mocks his weak punch by acting like he's about to die.

"I hate you sometimes Harold. Why are you here?"

"Because I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Yeah?" Louis says softly.

"Mhm. So.. I think it's unfair to our friends that we're kind of lying to them about, you know, that we're 'just friends'."

"So, you wanna tell them?" Louis asks.

Fuck, Louis probably doesn't even want to do this.

"I mean - do you?"

"I- yeah. Yeah, definitely." Louis answers. "We can do it for halloween I guess?"

"Sounds good." Harry answes before picking up his buzzing phone.

**Mum <3 (17.53 pm): Are you at Louis place?**

**Harry (17.54 pm): Yeah, why?**

**Mum <3 (17.56 pm): Robin is working night and I won't be home until midnight. If you want to you can ask if you could stay there for tonight?**

**Harry (17.56 pm): I'll ask**

He nudges Louis slightly and he looks up at Harry who shows him the texts.

"Uh, I think you can stay here. I'll ask mum, wait a second."

Louis kisses his cheek gently before he gets up and walks out of his room. Harry can hear talking for a little while before Louis comes back inside.

"You can stay." He says, sitting back down.

"Good. I don't like being home alone."

"Your house is quite fucking creepy." Louis grimaces slightly.

"Don't say that around me, you never know if I brought a demon with me here." Harry chuckles.

"You're an idiot." Louis mutters.

"Thanks, you too." 

"Food's ready boys!" Jay says, opening the door.

Harry snaps a quick text to his mum before walking downstairs right behind Louis. 

\- - -

It smells of popcorn when Louis enters his room again, carrying a bowl of popcorn and some chocolate. They lock eyes and Louis smiles. He sits down on the mattress lying on the floor in between Harry's long legs. Harry drapes his arms over Louis' shoulders, pulling him even closer.

"Wait, isn't tomorrow the last day we have to practise on our song?" Harry asks.

"Shit. I think it is. Ready to confess your love for me in front of our whole class?" Louis laughs.

"Fuck off, they won't even know what its about. Unless you wanna have a whole speech about it?"

"Jesus, no thank you. I'm good."

Harry laughs. Louis tilts his head back, looking up into Harry's eyes with a smile.

"Also, your sister is calling."

"Oh." Harry says and picks his phone up. "Hi?"

" _I um, where are you Harry?"_ Gemma asks.

"I'm at Louis' place."

_"Could I come by real quick? I need to talk to you."_

"Yeah. Can't you take it on the phone now though?"

 _"No. I'll be there in like a minute."_ She says and hangs up.

"O...okay?" Harry chuckles, confused of what the hell is happening. 

"What'd she say?"

"She wants to talk to me and apparently can't take it on the phone. She's coming here. I have a weird sister."

"Dude, I've got _six_ of them!" Harry just laughs. "You should probably not keep her waiting though. I'll wait here."

Harry smiles at him before getting up and walking downstairs. Gemma is at the door just when he opens. 

"I'm sorry." She starts with saying.

"Gem, what's going on?"

"It's not much honestly. Just, I was going to stay at Lucy's place but she said she didn't want me there so I left but now I don't know where to go. So I started walking home, but it's creepy as fuck to be outside. I hate to say this - but I'm scared."

"Hey, come inside. You are _not_ walking home when you're this stressed."

Gemma looks at him, unsure if she should.

"Come on." Harry says, waving at her to come inside.

"Are you-"

"Yes I'm sure, because mum would kill me if something happens to you and she knows that I just got you to walk home alone now."

Gemma sighs and gives in. She walks inside and takes her jacket off. Harry grabs it and hangs it up for her while she gets her shoes off. He picks his phone up to send a quick text to Louis, preparing him not to be weird.

**Lou <3: its okay, i dont mind**

There's a cough behind him. Harry spins around, met by a questioning glare from Gemma.

"Is there something you might want to tell me about?" She raises an eyebrow.

"Maybe. Not now though." He says, face glowing red.

Gemma whistles quietly, shoving Harry teasingly. He walks up to Louis' room with her just behind. When they walk in, Louis is sat just like he did when Harry left five minutes ago. He's scrolling on his phone and looks up when they walk inside. He shuffles closer to the wall, making space for Harry and Gemma too.

"Look, I can just walk home. It's alright." Gemma says.

"No. Definetely not. It'd be on me if you were, like, kidnapped. I _would_ walk with you home but I'm terribly scared of the dark. Plus, you wouldn't be able to get to sleep. You'd just end up calling me in panic because of how damn creepy that house is."

"Do you have any other brilliant suggestions then?"

"I mean, no. Don't you have _any_ other friends you could stay with?"

"Dunno. I could always ask Lola I guess."

"Wait, do you know her last name?" Louis asks.

"Uh, yeah. Smith. Why?" Gemma answers.

"Bianca's sister." Louis mutters quietly.

Harry laughs at him before turning to Gemma.

"He hates her sister."

"I mean, does _anyone_ like her?" Gemma laughs. 

Just when Louis shakes his head to then look away, Harry glances over at him. There's something about the way Bianca is the only person Louis has ever disliked, he realises now isn't right. Something is up with it.

"Lola says she's like, anti everything that isn't in the norms."

Louis mumbles something inaudible before getting up and walking out of the room. Harry and Gemma look over at each other.

"What the fuck was that?" Harry mumbles.

"I have no idea." Gemma says. 

"Spill everything you know about Bianca. Please, I wanna know."

"Okay. I think Lola mentioned once how she'd been yelled at for harassing some guy in your class and accusing him of being gay and-"

"Wait, what? Fucking hell."

He groans and rests his hands in his palms.

"Harry?"

"Nothing, carry on."

"If you say so. Then she apparently once started an argument about why LGBTQ+ people shouldn't be socially accepted. There's probably a lot more, but it's kind of that."

"This all fucking adds up." Harry mutters so quietly Gemma almost isn't able to hear her. "Another time." He adds when she eyes him suspiciously.

It really all does add up. Louis did once come to class, eyes red from crying only to tell Harry someone had told him he was a _"disgusting fag"._ He hadn't said who. And that argument was also started because Bianca is 110 percent sure Louis is gay. Which might not be completely wrong, but that's besides the point. She had on one occasion when Harry was sick started an argument with Nick and made example after exemple about Louis.

He'd been sat right next to them both and was devastated for weeks. It all suddenly just makes sense how terribly unmotivated he's been to working with Bianca. Why isn't he telling Harry all of this instead of just panicking is the next question. Which honestly he might never get an answer to. Louis walks back in after a couple of minutes. Harry can't help but notice the slight redness in his eyes. He's for sure been crying. 

"Anyway, did you ask Lola?" Harry says.

It's probably for the better not to bring Bianca up again.

"Yeah. I can stay there. Problem is just how I'm gonna get there if you don't want to walk with me."

"I can join you so nobody has to be alone if you want to." Louis says.

His voice is even worse than his eyes, Harry realises. It's thick and raspy. If he _looks_ like he's been crying for _five_ minutes, he _sounds_ like he's been crying for five _hours_. 

"If you insist on it I'm not arguing." Gemma says. 

Without a word, Louis gets up. Harry and Gemma walks down to the front door. They wait for Louis for a minute before starting to walk in complete silence. Harry does want to ask Gemma more about Bianca, but not with Louis there. Louis doesn't at _all_ seem to be in the mood for talking and Gemma just keeps quiet because she thinks they're weird probably.

It might be the weirdest walk in his life. When Louis stays behind a bit away from Bianca's house, Harry's theory about Bianca being rude to him gets even stronger. Judging by the look on Gemma's face when she says goodbye she's definetely noticed that something is up too.

"Is everything okay Lou?" Harry asks.

He places a hand gently on Louis' back. Louis looks over at him and shakes his head. It's just now that Harry notices tears falling down his cheeks. He stops walking for a moment and hugs Louis tightly.

"It's just, I think you've figured it out by now." Louis sighs.

"If it's about Bianca, then yes. I kind of have." 

"Yeah. Well, she's been kind of mean in the past and... I remember it all so clearly but I just force all of my thoughts about it away. And then I couldn't anymore when you started talking about it."

"I get it. Talk to me if you need to, please?"

"Promise." Louis smiles.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was... interesting to write. prepare yourself for a lot of scared/sad Harold Edward Styles. also, it is kinda cute ;)

It's tempting to say that he's sick so that he doesn't have to go to school and practise on their song - which still needs a name. Probably the least of a problem to be honest. Considering that it's the literal last lesson for them to practise on, he unmotivatedly drags his shoes on. Not a single small part of him wants to leave. Okay yeah, he actually does kind of want to leave. The two days he stayed home were creepy. When he's home alone all the noises coming from the house seems so much louder. 

Might as well be the fact that he has nobody to save him in case a demon tries to kill him. Which yes, he is extremely scared of. That is probably the weirdest fear of his, there's no actually good reason for him to be so awfully scared of it. He opens the door and steps outside. It's so cold that he wouldn't be surprised if it starts snowing at any point. He realises that he's forgotten his headphones but there's no tie to go and get them. He's already running a bit late. 

There are laughs from down the road. He recognizes them from somewhere. Turning the corner, he spots Daisy and Phoebe skipping forward on the pavement. He can't see Louis at first but then hears a door slam shut. Louis jogs up to the twins, hair flopping in his eyes. Harry smiles at him without even realising that it's happening and decides to walk a little quicker when he sees Louis falling behind the now running twins. Louis must hear his footsteps and shoots a glance behind himself. He looks back over at the twins before stopping. He spins around and smiles at Harry, arms crossed against his chest.

"Morning." Harry smiles. 

Louis starts walking right next to him. He places an arm loosely around Harry's waist.

"Your voice isn't as dead as usual, I'm impressed!"

"Shut up." Harry chuckles. 

He looks over at Louis. They lock eyes and exhanges a smile before Louis looks forward to Daisy and Phoebe again. When Harry glances over at them, they've stopped. They're stood exactly the same as Louis when he crosses his arms but without the smile. They're glaring mostly at Louis.

"I don't believe that you aren't together. You're mean Louis." Daisy says.

"I'm _mean_ am I?" Louis smiles at them.

"Yeah. It's not nice to keep secrets. Mum told us that." Phoebe fills in.

"Okay, I see. Well, would that change if all four of us keep the secret together?" 

Daisy and Phoebe looks at each other for a couple of seconds.

"Yeah." They say at the same time.

"But _only_ if you admit that you're together." Phoebe says, getting a nod from Daisy.

"Well, what else would our little secret be?" Louis ruffles up their hair slightly before turning them around swiftly. "But now I think we should get to school. Remember, a secret is to be kept, okay?"

"Promise." Daisy says.

"Yeah, promise." Phoebe says.

"Good." Louis says.

He looks up at Harry with a smile. They walk the last bit to school in silence until Phoebe and Daisy have run off to their friends.

"We have music first period right?" Louis says.

"Sadly, yes."

"What, you don't want to be with me? Guess we'll have a breakup to tell Daisy and Phoebe about then."

"I mean, technically we aren't even officially boyfriends to that might be quite hard."

They're both quiet for a little while.

"Would you _want_ to?"

"Be your boyfriend or break up?" Harry chuckles.

"First option."

"Definetely." Harry smiles.

Louis smiles back, giving Harry a quick hug before they walk over to their classroom. Mr. Newton doesn't let them in and instead sends the groups over to the music rooms immediately. Louis falls behind Harry as they walk with Bianca in the lead. She sits down behind the drums. Louis takes his place behind the piano and Harry grabs the guitar from one of the corners of the room. He plays through the strings quickly and grimaces when realising how terrible it sounds. After fixing it up, he nods slightly.

"Alright." He mumbles.

"You remember which parts you're singing?" Bianca asks.

Harry and Louis nods, locking eyes with a smile for a split second.

"Who's starting up the song?" Louis asks.

"I mean, it sounds right with piano or guitar to start it." Bianca says.

"Yeah." Harry says.

He looks over at Louis with a look telling him to be the one to start. Louis glares at him for a moment before he gives in and starts up. Bianca and Harry aren't slow to catch on. It's like something feels more right to Harry about singing the song now that he and Louis has talked things through. For once, he lets himself just drift away into the trans only singing can give him and stays there until the song is finished. There's an applause from the door. He spins his head and notices Mr. Newton.

"Brilliant. I love it. Great job all of you!" He says before leaving the song.

"I never thought I'd be saying this, but you two are actually amazing." Bianca says.

With a damn _smile_ on her lips. Harry looks over at Louis who seems just as chocked as he is himself.

"Thanks." Harry smiles.

Louis bites his lip for a second.

"Thank you. You're not too bad on the drums actually."

"Thanks." Bianca mumbles. "Wanna play it through some more?"

Louis and Harry nods and once again, Louis sets the first chord. Harry meets his blue eyes and keeps his eyes there for the next two times they sing everything through.

\- - -

When Harry gets home, he grabs a pencil and a notepad he hasn't opened even once. He needs to write. And write is what he does for the next hour. He doesn't care about his buzzing phone. He's too lost in the words to care.

_**walk in your rainbow paradise** _

_**strawberry lipstick state of mind** _

_**i get so lost inside your eyes** _

_**would you believe it?** _

_**you dont have to say you love me** _

_**you dont have to say nothing** _

_**you dont have to say youre mine** _

_**id walk through fire for you** _

_**just let me adore you** _

There's definetely something missing, but he can't put his finger on what it is. He puts it away for now, he'll get back to that in a bit. Instead he grabs his phone.

**(4.16 pm)Lou <3: Harry**

**(4.17 pm)Lou <3: i think daisy and phoebe told mum**

**(4.17 pm)Lou <3: pls answer me**

**(4.17 pm)Lou <3: HARRY EDWARD**

**(4.18 pm)Lou <3: THIS IS AN EMERGENCY**

**(4.19 pm)Harry: sorry i was busy**

**(4.20 pm)Harry: did your mum say something**

**(4.20 pm)Lou <3: YES**

**(4.21 pm)Lou <3: SHE TEXTED ME SAYING 'twins said you and harry have a secret?'**

**(4.22 pm)Lou <3: AND THEN 'oh nevermind they told me'**

**(4.23 pm)Harry: uh oh**

**(4.24 pm)Harry: shit shes probably told mum :/**

**(4.24 pm)Lou <3: wait are you even out to your mum??**

**(4.25 pm)Harry: nope**

**(4.25 pm)Lou <3: shit**

**(4.26 pm)Harry: she wont be home in two hours though so im safe for a while**

**(4.26 pm)Harry: robin is home in like ten minutes though**

**(4.27 pm)Lou <3: oh shit mum just texted me and she wants to talk**

**(4.27 pm)Lou <3: youll be okay if i cant talk?**

**(4.27 pm)Harry: yeah**

**(4.28 pm)Lou <3: come by if you need to <3**

**(4.28 pm)Harry: <3**

He gets up from his bed and walks out of his room, phone in the back pocket of his jeans. He notices that Gemma's door is closed. Anxious of Robin having been told about him and Louis, he walks over and knocks.

"Come in." Gemma mumbles.

She looks up at him and locks her phone.

"Hi." Harry says.

"What's up?" She asks. 

He sits down next to her and places his face in his palms. Gemma doesn't say a thing and hugs him tightly. Tears fall down his face, making her black sweater wet.

"Harry, please tell me what's going on."

"Sorry, yeah." He pulls away and dries his tears.

"Is this about Louis?" 

"Yeah. Pretty much. I think you saw when I texted him the other night?"

"You mean the heart?" Gemma smiles.

"Exactly. Well, his sisters figured things out and they're quite impossible to keep things from." He chuckles. "And you know, they told Jay."

"Okay, so now you're worried mum and Robin found out too?"

Harry nods.

"You're going to be okay." She reassures him. 

His phone buzzes and he immediately picks it up. It isn't Louis. It's Anne.

**(4.43 pm)Mum <3: I'll be home in half an hour. Are you home?**

**(4.43 pm)Harry: yup**

**(4.44 pm)Mum <3: Great. Could you boil some tea? I'd want to talk to you.**

**(4.44 pm)Harry: sure**

He rests his head onto Gemmas shoulder. She rubs his back gently and brushes his curls out of his hair.

"If you start fighting which I highly doubt you will, I'll help you out."

"Promise?" Harry asks.

"Promise."

He gets up with a slight smile.

"And H?"

"Hm?" He turns back around.

"You'll be okay. I love you, always." She smiles.

"I'll do my best. Love you too Gems."

With a smile Harry walks downstairs and starts boiling some water. He takes out two mugs and some teabags. The front door opens and closes. His heart starts rushing and he sits down on a chair, forcing himself to take a couple of deep breaths.

"Hi sweetie." Anne smiles as she pops her head into the kitchen. "I'm just gonna go say hi to Gemma, alright?"

He manages a tiny nod and a weak smile in response. He doesn't trust his shaking hands enough to pour up the boiling hot water while waiting for her to come back downstairs so he just turns the stove off. She'll have to turn it off herself. When she walks back into the kitchen she pours up the tea and places it on the kitchen table before sitting down on the chair opposite of Harry's.

"Alright. I'm not mad at you, okay?"

He nods. His gaze is stuck on the water in his mug. 

"I spoke to Jay."

"I figured." Harry mumbles. He pulls the sleeves of his hoodie up over his hands. They're silent for a while. "Are you going to say something more?"

"Yeah. I don't really know what to say. I guess this isn't the way you would have wanted me to find out."

"No, really wasn't." Harry sighs.

Not that he's really had a scenario played out in his head. He hasn't even been thinking about telling her anytime _soon._ And now everything is just ruined. 

"I get it if you're mad. And I'm sorry that I might have ruined something for you. I don't want you to talk if there isn't anything you want me to know about, but I'm here to support you. Always."

He nods slightly before getting up from his chair. He doesn't bother saying anything or bringing his tea with him upstairs. The only thing he checks if he still has is his phone. It's still there, safely placed in the back pocket of his jeans. A slight part of him wants to call Louis. But a slight part of him also thinks that Anne is going to come upstairs to his room, so he doesn't.

Ten minutes passes and he hasn't heard a thing from her. He tenses up slightly, because he still doesn't know whether or not Robin knows. With shaky hands, he pulls up a new text to Anne.

**(5.25 pm)Harry: does Robin know?**

**(5.26 pm)Mum <3: No. Do you want me to tell him?**

**(5.26 pm)Harry: no**

**(5.27 pm)Mum <3: I won't, promise. Want some tacos for dinner?<3**

**(5.27 pm)Harry: sounds good.**

He smiles slightly, calling Louis' number.

"Hi." He mumbles.

 _"Hi. You okay?"_ Louis asks.

"I'm just about fine. You?"

 _"I'm good."_ It's silent for a bit. _"You don't really_ sound _okay. Tell me if anything's bothering you, okay?"_

"Yeah. I promise. Ca-can we talk about something? I need to have something to think about."

 _"Okay."_ Louis softly responds. _"You know what I've started doing?"_

A slight giggle escapes Louis' mouth, not failing to make Harry smile.

"What?"

_"I've started planning for christmas."_

"Your birthday too I suppose?"

 _"Harry come on, I told you when I did that_ last month _."_

"You're a psycho Louis." Harry laughs.

Louis just laughs.

"Got anything good for me to give you then?" Harry asks.

_"Let's see. Cuddles, loads of them, and a couple of oversized hoodies. That's it."_

Harry snorts at him.

"That's _boring_ Lou, but I'll make sure to note it down. Anything else?"

_"Um, not really. I trust that you'll find something good."_

"I'll do my best."

_"Good. Um, I have to go. But I'll see you tomorrow?"_

"Yeah. Bye."

 _"Bye."_ Louis says and hangs up. 

Harry curls in under his blanket. His room is cold and thanks to everything that's been going on his head he drifts off to sleep. It's been wild. Not in a fun way. But at the end of the day, he still has Louis. And to be honest that's the only thing that he cares about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kinda long hahah ;) enjoy!

Harry opens his eyes with a yawn. He picks his phone up and realises he's slept through his alarm. He's meeting up with Louis and Bianca in some studio to practise for their song in fortyfive minutes. They decided on it when they realised yesterday they still haven't picked a name for it. He jumps out of bed and drags a pair of black jeans and a white sweater on. He jogs downstairs and eats a toast before rushing upstairs again to brush his teeth when Louis calls him.

"Hi!" He picks up.

_"Hey. My mum's driving me and I just wondered if you want to come with us?"_

"That would be nice."

_"Could we pick you up in fifteen minutes?"_

"Yup. See you."

 _"Bye."_ Louis says before hanging up.

Harry plugs his headphones in and plays some music. He grabs his guitar and a phone charger before walking down to the front door. Gemma is the only one home and she's still sleeping so he snaps a text saying where he is. He grabs a long coat and black chelsea boots. Jay's car pulls up outside of the house and he walks outside. He catches Louis' eye and smiles slightly before getting inside. He carefully places the guitar in his lap and holds it still while Jay starts driving.

"How are you Harry?" Jay asks.

"I'm good. How are you?"

"Doing good." She smiles.

He catches Louis' looking at him through the rearview mirror. Louis shakes his head slightly. He definetely doesn't buy Jay saying she's okay. Harry smiles at him but doesn't say anything. He looks out through the window. They're silent for the ten minute drive. Usually he hates silent car rides, but when it's with Louis' family or his own it's quite calming. When Jay pulls up outside of the building Bianca told them to meet up if, Harry and Louis says goodbye and hops out of the car. 

Louis glances back to make sure that she's gone before lacing his fingers together with Harry's. They lock eyes for a split second, just long enough for Harry to see the smile on Louis' face. They start walking, Harry just in front to be able to open the front door. He gives Louis' hand a squeeze before letting it go when he spots Bianca leaning against the wall. She waves quickly at them before walking further inside with the boys right behind. 

"First off all we need a name." Bianca says.

She sits down on a chair inside of a small studio room. Louis closes the door behind them before sitting down on the chair next to Harry. 

"Definetely. Got any ideas?" Harry answers.

Bianca shakes her head.

"The creativity I have is very limited."

Harry chuckles slightly and looks over at Louis. He runs a hand through his hair before dragging a paper of the lyrics out of the back pocket of his jeans. He skims through the paper before folding it back together.

"Nope." Louis says. "Harry?"

He reads through the lyrics, written down on his phone and gets stuck on **_'and all your little things'_**.

"What about we take 'little things' from the chorus?"

"I like that." Bianca nods.

They look over at Louis.

"Yeah. Sounds good." He looks up at Harry with a smile.

Harry's cheeks tint pink as he picks up his guitar and they get in place to practise. 

When they leave ten minutes later, Louis teasingly bumps his shoulder into Harrys.

"Did I see the mighty Harold blush?"

"No you didn't." Harry mutters.

Louis laughs and picks his phone up with a slight sigh. Harry glances over at him with a frown.

"We'll have to walk home."

"Okay." Harry smiles.

Biting his lip, Louis looks down at his feet as they walk through the front door. Harry doesn't bother saying anything and instead places his arm around Louis' waist. There's a hint of a smile on Louis' lips. It's enough to make Harry relax slightly for the ten minute walk. Although it doesn't sit right with him to see Louis look this down, he's able to make him smile. And when he is, it isn't too bad. Not yet, at least.

"Do you know if the other boys'll come for Halloween?" Louis asks.

"They're all coming."

"Okay. Do you still want to tell them?"

"Not if you've changed your mind. If you don't want to I don't want to either."

"I want to. Let's have a plan?"

"Yeah. Got any of those good ideas of yours?" Harry smiles, meeting Louis' blue eyes.

"We could make it easy and do something really obvious when they see I guess. So we don't have to have an awkward sit-down conversation with them."

"You're saying something like I kiss you when at least one or two of them see?"

"Something like that, yeah." Louis nods.

"You know what?"

"What?" Louis looks up at Harry again.

"I think it's a great idea." Harry smiles.

"Great."

\- - -

There's a shaky breath escaping Harry's lips before he opens the door for Louis. He meets Louis' eyes. If possible, he looks even more nervous than Harry feels. 

"Welcome in Loulou." Harry says.

Louis rolls his eyes before walking inside.

"Hate you." He mutters, getting shoes and coat off. 

He turns to Harry with a smile. Harry laces their fingers together and starts walking towards his room with Louis right behind. He sits down on his couch. Louis sits down in his lap and places an arm around his shoulders. They lock eyes for a moment before Louis leans in, kissing Harry softly - just when the door opens. Harry pulls away to face Anne stood smiling in his doorstep. 

"I'll leave you two alone. Hi, Louis." She says before disappearing again.

Harry looks over at Louis. His cheeks are flushed pink, Louis' cheeks bright red. They gaze into each others eyes for what feels like minutes before breaking out into laughter. 

"We are _so_ fucked." Louis sighs and shakes his head slightly.

"Definetely." Harry laughs.

He smiles at Louis before risking his life once more, leaning in to kiss him. Louis' fingers threads through the hair at the back of his neck and stays there in place until he pulls away and slides off Harry's lap. There are footsteps in the corridor outside of Harry's room. The door opens. Liam, Niall and Zayn walks in, all with arms crossed. Harry glances over at Louis who looks just as confused as him.

"Why did your mum mention kissing when she let us in?" Niall asks, breaking the silence.

Harry looks back over at Louis. He's already looking at him, cheeks pink. It's quite adorable, how easily he blushes.

"Wait a second - were you kissing?" Liam then asks.

Louis bites his lip before nodding. He looks down at his feet, his whole face slightly red. 

"And your _mum_ walked in?" Niall laughs.

"Yep." Harry laughs.

Niall bends over with laughter and sits down. Liam chuckles slightly while Zayn just kind of looks a little lost. 

"Let's talk about something else - don't want Niall choking to death because of his laughing." Louis says.

Liam and Zayn lets out a slight laugh before sitting down on the floor. Harry glances over to Louis, meeting his eyes with a smile. Louis shuffles a bit closer to him and Harry places an arm around him. 

"What're we doing then?" Zayn asks.

"Third wheeling it looks like." Niall mutters.

Harry laughs at him and shakes his head, tapping his fingers loosely on Louis' arm.

"Nah, I was thinking we could maybe listen to this podcast I found about paranormal stuff to get a bit scared."

"Sounds good." Liam says.

Zayn and Niall nods.

"Sure." Louis says.

He sounds uncertain but nods with a smile when Harry looks over at him. He picks his phone up and starts up an episode. He feels Louis curling even further into his side. When Harry looks over at Louis, he runs a hand through his hair. He twists a strand of his hair around his index finger before resting his head on Harry's shoulder as the podcast starts up. 

\- - -

"When are we eating?" Niall asks as the episode is over.

"I was just about to go get the pizzas. Anybody wanna join me?"

It's quiet for a while before Louis shrugs.

"I can join." Louis says when nobody answers.

Harry smiles at him and gets up. He walks down to the front door and drags a winter jacket and a pair of sneakers on. He opens the door and waits outside for Louis to get ready. When Louis walks outside, Harry can't help but notice that he looks slightly off. He's looking directly at the ground as they start walking.

"Are you okay?" Harry softly asks.

Louis shrugs. He lets out a sigh. Harry walks over to him and grabs his hand in a firmly.

"Dunno. I'm worried something'll happen to mum while I'm away."

"Your sisters would call you though, wouldn't they?"

"I guess, yeah."

"Are you sure there's nothing else going on? I'm here to listen, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I just feel like I'd be bothering you." Louis sighs.

"Stop saying that."

"Why?" Louis asks, raising his voice slightly.

"Because you aren't! Not to me at least!"

"Well, you must've failed to show me that then." Louis mutters.

Harry lets go of Louis' hand and speeds up to get slightly in front of him. Tears burn in his eyes before starting to stream down his face in pure anger, hurt and sadness. Why can't Louis just for _once_ listen to him?

\- - - 

"That took a while." Niall says when they enter the bedroom again.

Harry sits down in between Niall and Liam with a shrug. He can't be bothered sitting next to Louis. They haven't spoke for the past twentyfive minutes. Louis leaves to get them something to drink and use the toilet. All eyes suddenly turns to Harry. 

"What's going on Harry?" Zayn asks, recieving a sigh from Harry.

"We kind of argued. Louis always says he doesn't want to bother me so I said he never does, because he never does. And he just said that I must have failed to show him that and we haven't talked since." 

They all stay silent for a couple of seconds. Harry bites his bottom lip and looks down into the floor.

"Oh." Liam says. "Try to talk to him. We don't need anybody here being mad at each other tonight."

Harry just nods, right as the door to his bedroom opens. Louis puts down some soda on the floor but doesn't sit down himself. He places a hand on Harry's shoulder to make him turn around. He gestures at Harry to follow him. They walk outside into the hallway. Harry closes the door after the before turning to face Louis. 

"Look, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have said what I said. I know you're trying, trust me." Louis says.

He looks down into the floor. Harry places his index finger under his chin, tilting it up gently.

"It's okay. I didn't make it better myself anyway. Think you can try to not think you're a burden?"

"Yeah." Louis smiles.

Harry presses a quick kiss to his forehead before they walk back inside. They sit down next to each other in between Zayn and Liam. Harry meets Liam's eyes and gives him a tiny nod in response to the unsaid question floating in the room. Louis places a hand on Harry's back, moving it in circles. Harry rests his head on top of Louis' shoulder for a couple of seconds before taking a bite of his pizza.

"What movies do you want to watch tonight?" Harry asks.

"Nothing too scary, wanna be able to actually sleep." Louis says.

"You a little scared?" Harry teases Louis.

He looks over at him and they lock eyes. Louis glares at him for a couple of seconds before without a word rolling his eyes and looking away.

"I'm quite tempted to watch The Conjuring movies, but nobody ever wants to watch it with me." Zayn says.

"I'm down." Niall says.

"Definetely." Liam says.

"Sure."

Harry looks over at Louis who is still quiet. He sighs before rolling his eyes slightly again.

"Fine."

Niall laughs slightly before taking another two slices of pizza. Harry gets up and grabs his computer. He searches up the first of the Conjuring movies before looking up at the others.

"Wanna start watching now so we have time for more stuff tonight?"

The others nods so he turns it on before placing the computer in front of them on the floor. Niall reaches out and turns off the lights. Harry feels Louis curling up into his side and lifts an arm. He lets it fall around Louis' shoulders when he's sitting still. 

"I think Tommo is a bit scared huh?" Harry teases him loud enough for the others to hear.

Louis looks up at him with a deathstare. Harry can hear the others laughing. He smiles at Louis who looks back to the computer screen. He leans his head back onto Harry's shoulder. 

As soon as the first jumpscare arrives, Louis whimpers slightly and lets his arms slide around Harry to hold him tightly. Harry looks down at the terrified boy with a smile. He nuzzles his nose into Louis' hair. Louis looks up and meets Harry's eyes. He smiles slightly. After glancing back over to the computer for a second, he kisses Harry sweetly. A low whistle is heard from Liam. Harry's cheeks flush slightly pink. Louis pulls away with a slight smile.

"Hm?" Niall says, looking over at Liam. 

With a slight smirk, Harry closes the gap between him and Louis for a moment. Niall pretends to puke, making both Liam and Zayn laugh. 

"Stop that shit right now or I'm leaving and never coming back." Niall groans. "Plus, you're gonna miss half of the movie." 

Harry chuckles slightly as he pulls back again.

"That was the goal Niall." Louis giggles slightly and places his head back onto Harry's shoulder. 

Harry snorts slightly before nuzzling back into Louis' hair, breathing in the scent of coca cola and vanilla. Louis lets out a content sigh. He lets his nose nuzzle into Harry's hoodie, playing slightly with its strings.

\- - -

When the movie is finished, Niall goes to call his mum. Zayn leaves to use the toilet and Liam isn't up for thirdwheeling any more so he offers to go get the candy. Harry searches up the next movie in their marathon - Annabelle - before looking down at Louis. He's asleep, curled into a ball in between Harry's legs. A fond smile appears on Harry's lips as he runs a hand through Louis' soft brown hair. He lets it stay there for a moment until Zayn walks inside again. He looks at Louis and rolls his eyes slightly.

"Is he sleeping _already_?" Zayn sighs.

"Yep." Harry chuckles.

"Wake the idiot up, he can't miss the movie marathon and _candy_ for gods sake." Niall groans.

Harry smiles and tickles Louis side slightly. Louis lets out a whiny noise in the way a three year old would, making them all laugh.

"Rude." He mutters, snuggling into Harry's hoodie.

"You can't miss _Annabelle_ you baboon." Niall shakes his head.

"Sorry." Louis giggles.

He looks up into Harry's eyes with tired eyes. Harry kisses his forehead sweetly. That seems to be enough for Louis to focus on the computer screen when Liam starts playing the movie on his way to sit down. Harry feels Louis lean his head heavier onto his chest. When Harry glances down at him, he's gazing up at Harry with the softest smile you could imagine. Harry gently pokes at the small dimple in his right cheek.

Louis grabs his hand to stop him. He laces their fingers together and when Harry gives his hand a little squeeze, Louis looks as if he hasn't been this happy in his life. Harry's stomach swirls with butterflies. A tired Louis in his arms, soft as ever while watching movies - scary or not - is definetely something to good to ask for. Harry rests his head on top of Louis'. He smiles and turns his head back to the computer.

With Louis' warm body pressed up against his chest it's a miracle he doesn't fall asleep. It's probably because it's _Louis_ being closer to Harry than ever before, closer to Harry than _anyone_ has _ever_ been that makes it impossible for him to sleep. It's too amazing. 

\- - -

They watch _The Conjuring 2_ as well, but then Louis protests. He's tired and scared and doesn't want to watch any more movies. The others realise when he says it that they, too, are pretty tired. So they give in and now they're all in bed. Not one of them is going to be able to sleep for the next to hours at least though. Okay maybe Louis. He's currently lying on his stomach, chest to chest with Harry. His eyes are open, but not by much. 

"We _definetely_ need to do this for christmas." Zayn says. 

Louis hums slightly, while the others just nod.

"I'm down. I think we should be somewhere that isn't here though because we've been here for the past like, ten times we've had sleepovers." Harry chuckles.

"We could probably stay at mine." Niall says. "Greg isn't coming home 'til like the twentysecond because of uni. And mum and dad would _never_ mind."

"Wanna sleep." Louis mumbles.

Harry laughs, making the boy on his chest bounce slightly.

"That was quite random." Liam chuckles.

"Hm, still want to though." Louis protests.

"Honestly I wouldn't mind sleeping either." Zayn yawns.

"Yeah. Mind turning the light off Payno?" Harry asks.

"Do it yourself." Liam sighs.

"You're expecting me to get Louis to move?" 

"Okay, fine." Liam says after glaring at Harry for a split second. 

He turns off the lights and curls up under his bed.

"Night lads." Niall mumbles.

"Goodnight." Zayn says.

Liam yawns and chuckles.

"Night."

"G'night." Harry says.

Louis just sighs. Harry smiles fondly at him before wrapping his arms tightly around the boy. The sound of Louis breathing calmly, his body pressed against Harry's lulls him to sleep.

\- - -

When Harry wakes up the next morning Louis has rolled off his chest. He's placed his head on Harry's chest and his right hand is lying on top of his stomach. Harry places a hand on top of Louis. He hears Louis yawn next to him and turns his head in his direction. He meets Louis' crystal clear blue eyes that sends electric sparks rumbling through his body. 

"Morning Hazzie." Louis mumbles.

"Hazzie?" Harry repeats with a smile, his stomach doing flips inside of him. 

Louis nods.

"Hazzie."

Harry chuckles quietly. He presses a kiss to Louis' forehead.

"You're cute Lou."

With a slight snort, Louis looks back up at Harry. He's smiling. _'Happy'_ seems to be written all over his face and Harry loves it. There's a soft knock on Harry's door and he rolls over to face the door. Louis places his arms gently around Harry, snuggling his face into Harry's back.

"Morning boys. I'm heading off to work, breakfast is ready."

"Thanks mum." Harry mumbles.

She smiles and looks directly at Harry, then at Louis. Her gaze flickers between the two for a solid five seconds before Harry sends her a deathstare and she finally leaves. As soon as the door is closed, Niall is up. Harry groans at his engagement in getting up. Louis giggles slightly, hugging Harry tighter. When Niall and Liam walks over to try and wake Zayn up, Harry turns back around.

"Hazzie?" Louis mumbles softly.

"Mhm?" Harry responds, closing his arms around Louis.

"I love you." He whispers into Harry's ear.

Harry smiles widely at Louis.

"I love you too." He murmurs, kissing Louis' lips slowly.

"Come on, you two." Niall groans.

Louis pulls away with a laugh. He gives Harry's lips a quick peck before he gets up. Something tells Harry that this is going to be one of the best mornings of his life, but he has literally _no_ idea why. Looking over at Louis, he realises why. Louis is here. And being with Louis, is like being home, safe and loved. He could stay in Louis arms forever and ever, without a word. Louis is where he belongs. Wherever he is, Harry wants to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

There's a soft knock on Harry's door, making him look up. With red, watery eyes Louis walks inside. Harry throws his phone on the bed and walks up to Louis who immediately falls into his arms. He snuggles into the crook of Harry's neck. While his shirt gets wetter and wetter the longer they stay there, Harry gently strokes his back. Louis pulls away after a while, drying away tears from his cheeks.

"You, uh, you don't happen to have a hoodie I could borrow? M-mine it smells of hospital." Louis grimaces.

"Yeah. Of course." Harry says softly. 

He grabs a grey hoodie from his wardrobe and hands it to Louis. Then he freezes, sitting down on his bed.

"Wait - why where you at the hospital?" 

Louis burst back out in tears. He sits down next to Harry, not even bothering the fact that he's shirtless. Harry carefully places a hand on Louis' back. Louis quickly dreis his tears off and pulls the hoodie over his head. He curls into Harry's side with legs slung over his lap. He places his arms around Harry who settles his arm loosely over his shoulders. 

"Mum i- she's in the hospital." Louis mumbles. "Something happened, dad won't tell me what. They're signing her in for at least a month."

"Shit, I'm so sorry Lou. Are your sisters at home?"

"They're with some family friends but I hate those." Louis answers.

Harry almost lets out a snort at that. But then, he also knows that he definetely shouldn't do that. He can laugh at Louis' hate for his mum's friends another time - there will definetely be more rants about them at some point.

"Okay. Do you need to stay here?"

"I think so, yeah. At least for like a night or two if it's okay."

"Let me just call mum, alright?" Harry asks.

Louis nods and Harry pecks the tip of his nose before leaving. 

He comes back inside a couple of minutes later.

"You can stay for as long as you need to." 

Louis just nods, looking down at his feet. Harry walks over to his desk to grab some chocolate for Louis and his computer. He definetely needs to get Louis thinking of something else. And _'Annabelle: Creation'_ seems like just the right option for that. 

"What're you doing Hazzie?" Louis mumbles.

Harry turns around with a smile. Louis is lying on his back in Harry's bed, looking directly at him. He doesn't say anything. When he sits down, the movie is already playing. Louis sighs and glares at him for a bit before snatching some chocolate from Harry. He curls into Harry's side and rests his head on Harry's shoulder.

\- - -

When Harry wakes up the next morning, it's with the sudden realisation that; 1. Louis is lying with his chest pressed to Harry's back, an arm lazily slung over his waist and 2. that they're performing _'Little Things'_ today.

It's almost so comfortable he just doesn't wake Louis up. He could easily be staying here all day. But Louis would _kill_ him if he misses their performance in school, he becomes outrageous if he misses something he's practised and prepared himself for this much. He lets out a slight sigh before he turns around and shakes Louis slightly to at least _try_ and wake him up. Because god knows if it'll actually against all odds work or not.

"Lou, time to wake up." He softly says.

Louis groans and snuggles into Harry's hoodie. Harry fonds at him, rubbing a hand on his back until Louis looks back up at him. When he does, he smiles tiredly at Harry.

"Slept well?" Harry asks.

With a sigh Louis looks away again and shakes his head. Harry wraps his arms gently around the boy. He doesn't know what is going on inside of the boy's brain, but he knows well enough not to push when Louis remains silent. If he were to push, it'd just mess everything up. He'll have to take that talk with him another time. Not the morning of the day that they're going to perform a song together in front of their whole class. It'd be wrong to do that while being mad at each other.

He gets up after a little while, getting some clothes with him to the bathroom. He splashes his face with some water and sprays on some deodorant before dragging on a green hoodie and a pair of tight black jeans. He doesn't bother even brushing his hair, it's just pointless. Plus, he doesn't want it to look like a cloud of curls for the whole day. Which it would. So he leaves it like that. He walks back to his room. The door is opened so he walks inside. Louis is sat on the couch with his phone. 

"Breakfast?" Harry smiles.

Louis nods and gets up. He follows Harry down to the kitchen, helping him to grab some milk from the fridge. They sit down by the table in silence. Louis chews slightly on his bottom lip. Harry knows the move. The only time Louis'll ever do that is when he's either terrified to death of something, generally anxious or really worried. Harry hooks his foot around Louis' ankle and then turns his head, hearing Gemma's footsteps in the stairs.

"Morning Gems." He smiles at her.

"Morning." She mutters. 

He snorts slightly but doesn't care about her. He's too focused on not letting the butterflies from the slight touch coming from Louis' ankle take over his entire mind. It's probably too late already though considering the fact he has to actually _think_ about that. 

\- - -

A shaky breath escapes Harry's breath as he stops next to Louis outside of the music room. He looks around, but can't seem to find Bianca anywhere. Not a minute after they walk there, mr. Newton comes up to them with a wave.

"Hi boys."

"Hi." Louis and Harry answers in chorus.

"Bianca sadly fractured her ribs yesterday. Luckily, Mitch here offered to help out! He's new here, so take good care of him." 

Louis and mr. Newton talks for a bit. The only thing Harry picks up on is that they're getting twenty minutes to practise to get Mitch into the song. He doesn't note anything else down - he can't take his eyes off of Mitch. He _definetely_ needs a last name on that one to sort things out - because it can impossibly be the same Mitch as he wast best friends with for the first five years of his life can it? 

"Earth to Styles." Louis says, rolling his eyes. "You coming or what?"

"Uh, yeah. Sorry." Harry mumbles.

He follows Louis over to the music room mr. Newton had mentioned they could go and practise in for a bit. They sing through the song a couple of times before Louis demands they take a break.

"Where you from then?" Louis asks, looking at Mitch.

With a slight smirk, Mitch looks over at Harry.

"Cheshire."

"No _fucking_ way?" Harry mumbles, getting a nod in return from Mitch. "I thought I'd never see you again!"

"Me neither." Mitch laughs. 

Harry looks over at Louis who looks confused as fuck, mouthing _'later'_ before they play the song through once more. Mr. Newton calls them back to the classroom just as they're done. Mitch quickly walks out. Louis grabs Harry's hand and spins him around. He gets up on his toes, locking their lips together for a split second before they rush over to the classroom.

Harry anxiously taps his fingers on his thigh. Louis notices, obviously, and gently places a hand on top of Harry's. Harry looks over at him with a smile as mr. Newton calls them up to the front of the classroom. Harry grabs the guitar he brought from home and takes place by the microphone stand. He hears Louis get the first chord going and both he and Mitch joins in. 

By the end of the song, they have the full attention of everyone in class. They walk back to the table they were sat by through a sea of applauses. Harry locks eyes with Louis' blue when they sit down. He grabs the others hand under the table and gives it a squeeze.

\- - -

"So.. Mitch?" Louis asks.

Harry lies down next to where he's sat on his bed. He looks up into Louis' eyes, exchanging a smile.

"Know him from kindergarten. We were best friends until we moved here. You're Mitch 2.0." He chuckles.

"Secretly in love with him too are you?" Louis raises an eyebrow.

"God no. He's not _half_ as good as you."

Harry moves his head onto Louis' lap and closes his eyes as Louis starts playing slightly with his curls. Harry reaches up for one of Louis' hands, lacing their fingers together with a smile. Louis rubs his thumb over the back of his hand in a small circle when the door to Harry's room suddenly opens. Harry opens his eyes and completely freezes when he sees Robin in his doorway. He's angry. Harry glances up at Louis who for once looks small, like he wants to sink through the ground. He walks up to Harry, staring directly into his eyes.

"Get out of my house _now_ you disgusting little shit. I am _beyond_ dissapointed in you Harry." He says before angrily walking out again. 

Harry looks up at Louis, fear displaying in both boys' eyes. 

"We could go to mine, at least until your mum is home." Louis mumbles, trembling for words.

Harry swallows thickly and nods. He gets up and grabs an extra hoodie and a phone charger before quickly walking down to the front door. There's no sound coming anywhere and he almost thinks Robin's left. He lets himself relax for a moment, thinking that he's safe. But then he hears him slamming a door shut and quickly drags his shoes on, grabbing his jacket before getting outside. Louis places an arm around his waist, pulling him close to his side as they start walking.

It takes a lot of energy for him not to start panicking during the few minutes it takes for them to walk over to Louis' house. Had Anne told him? No, she promised not to. She'd never break that promise. But then, how else would he have been able to find out? Gemma _definetely_ didn't tell him, she knows how worried Harry has been of Robin knowing. Louis unlocks the door and Harry isn't slow to kick his shoes off before crying falling into Louis' arms.

"How the fuck did he even find out in the first place? Mum literally _promised_ not to tell him." Harry sobs.

"Hey, take it easy Haz. It probably wasn't too hard for him to figure out. Wanna watch some movie?" Louis softly suggests.

Harry nods. He refuses to let go of Louis, even when the blue eyed boy walks over to his desk to get his computer. He sits down in between Louis and the wall. They hold each other tightly as they start up _The Nun._ Mostly for comfort in case it gets too scary, but also because Harry just won't stop crying. Louis dries his tears away on his shirtsleeve every now and then before continuing to play with Harry's hair.

Harry's phone buzzes and as he drags it out of his back pocket, the journal he finished up a song in last night falls out too. Must've been there all day without him noticing. Louis eyes him suspiciously and picks it up while Harry responds to Gemma. He opens the journal just when Harry turns around.

"Hey, you're not allowed to read that!" Harry protests, cheeks flushed.

"Oh, too late love." Louis chuckles.

He leans over to his left, not letting Harry grab the book. 

"Louis, stop."

In pure desperation, Harry starts tickling Louis and finally gets him to let go of the journal. 

"Please Hazzieee, just one page?" Louis begs.

"Fine." Harry sighs.

He skims through a few pages and stops on _'Adore You',_ the song he finished last night. He blushes slightly before handing it over to Louis. The smile on Louis' lips grows wider the further he gets into the song. He closes the notepad over a while, cupping Harry's jaw with both of his hands and gives him a soft, slow kiss. Harry lets the taste of his lips linger, trying to figure out why he can't put his finger on what Louis actually tastes of. 

Louis gnaws slightly on Harry's bottom lip. Harry places one of his hands on Louis' waist, opening his mouth ever so slightly. He now actually figures the last bit of Louis out. He isn't able to put a finger on what he tastes of - because he tastes of Louis. And there _is_ nothing to explain that. Louis pulls away after a while. He presses his forehead against Harry's. 

"That is the most beautiful thing I've read in my life." He murmurs against Harry's lips.

"Yeah?" 

"Definetely." Louis says.

He leaves another kiss to Harry's lips before comfortably placing his arms around Harry. With a content sigh, Harry closes his eyes. The sound of Louis' breathing blocks out every other noise, even from the movie playing on the computer, making him fall asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO FUCKING MUCH FOR 700 HITS <333   
> i updated the tags a bit, so check it out cause theres a bit of a trigger warning i need to have for this chapter !! we're getting into harrys mental health - TW FOR SELF HARM ! just a couple of sentences at the end, but there WILL be more in the following chapters.  
> enjoy ! <3

** _(November 27)_ **

Louis ended up staying at Harry's for a week until Mark had left the hospital. On demand by Jay of course, who wanted him to be home with the kids. December was just around the corner and Harry just arrived back home after shopping for christmas. He flopped down on his couch with a sigh and picked his phone up to a text from Louis.

**(4.23 pm)Lou <3: hey im going to the hospital in a bit but dads at work and my sisters have hw to do and i dont want to go alone**

**(4.23 pm)Lou <3: can u join me?**

**(4.24 pm)Harry: I'd love to, are you sure you want me to?**

**(4.24 pm)Lou <3: definetely, can i come by yours in ten?**

**(4.25 pm)Harry: Yep**

He put his phone down on the couch and got up. He jogged down the stairs, quickly asking Anne to make sure it was okay for him to leave. He then walked back upstairs and changed into a dark blue hoodie with _'AMSTERDAM'_ written on the front. It's not really his, he had stolen it from Louis a couple of weeks before. But he didn't really care about it, Louis' hoodies are soft. He grabbed his phone and walked down to the front door. 

He tied up his white vans and dragged on his black winterjacket. He called bye to his mum and walked out into the freezing, dark afternoon the second Louis walked into his eyesight around the corner of the hedge. 

"Hi." Louis smiled.

Harry walked up to him and laced their fingers together.

"Hi." 

Louis pulled him slightly to start walking in the direction of the local hospital. Harry looked over at him. Under his black coat, he was wearing a grey hoodie with the hood pulled up over his head. His hair was messy, flopping into his eyes as he was walking. Louis looked up at him. Harry immediately looked away, cheeks flushed pink. Louis laughed a bit at him and poked his cheek gently. 

The moment they were led over to Jay's, it's like Louis was finally able to relax a bit. He met Harry's eyes with a smile. He rubbed the back of Harry's hand in circles. After giving Louis' hand a squeeze, Harry let go of it to get his jacket off. It was hot like hell to be in a thick winter jacket inside of a building as warm as the hospital happens to just always be. He hung the coat over his arm as they walked into Jay's room. She had met them both with a bright smile.

"Hello boys! How are you doing?"

"Just good. Brought you a couple of books." Louis smiled.

Harry hadn't had to see the boy's whole face to see that the smile hadn't reached his eyes. He and Jay chatted for a bit and he sat down on a chair. There hadn't really been anything for him to join into the conversation to so he had just sat there in silence for a bit.

"You think you'll be able to come home for christmas?" He heard Louis' small voice ask. 

He looked up, seeing Jay look away. She sighed a bit and grabbed Louis' hand.

"No. Maybe for a bit, but they really don't want me to leave." She said calmly.

"Okay. I'll see if I can stop by around my birthday and christmas."

"Please do sweetheart."

Harry looked back down at his feet. It hadn't been an uncomfortable silence particularly, but he could feel the air getting thick with the sadness from Louis and Jay's voices. 

"Are you excited for christmas Harry?" Jay then had asked.

"Uh, yeah. Always been, always will be." He chuckled slightly.

It wasn't really a chuckle of pure happiness, he just had to get the room at least a tad bit less gloomy. It hadn't worked really. Sure thing, a small smile _had_ appeared on Jay's lips. But it was a weak smile, hinting most of all to how ill she was. They had ended up leaving just a bit later, not wanting to stay until the late evening. It had been terrible to leave. Louis' mood had sunk even lower as they in silence had walked back home.

_ **(December 8)** _

Just a bit over a week later, Louis had been called out of class. He never came back. It's been a day now and Harry hasn't heard a thing from him. There's a knock to his door and Anne walks in. The usually cheerful face has been switched to a gloomy, almost dark expression. He frowns. Anne sits down next to him on his bed.

"Mum?" He asks, slightly concerned at this point. Unlike him who can cry over anything, it takes a lot until she reaches the breaking point. Which she definetely has, considering the look on her face. "Did something happen?"

"It's Jay. She passed away yesterday."

Harry's blood freezes. No wonder Louis hasn't been even responding to his texts. Completely out of control, tears stream down his face. Anne wraps him up tightly in her grip. He snuggles tightly into her hoodie. Jay has always been like a second mum to him, welcomed him into her family from the day he first came over to Louis' house. He tries to reach out for something mentally to hold on to, get out of his trance. But there's nothing there. He's lost. At the bare thought of Louis having to get these news and how he's probably been crying even harder since yesterday, he sniffs and cries even harder.

They stay there for minutes. On and on in silence, Anne crying as well after a while. She dries her son's tears away after at least fifteen minutes. She smiles and rubs his back for a bit before getting up.

"I'm going to cook some dinner. Louis and his family are coming over in a bit, I offered to help out a little. Can I send Louis to your room?"

"Yeah, of course." He mumbles. 

As soon as she's left, he curls up under a blanket. For once he doesn't bother his tears. He decides that he needs to let them out. He'll need some stability left for when Louis gets here. Without even having him here, Harry just _knows_ that he's doing terribly. From knowing him he probably didn't get any sleep last night. He's probably not stopped crying for a split second. 

When his door opens the next time, Louis walks inside with Phoebe closely behind him. There are tearstains on his cheeks and dark circles underneath his eyes. 

"Can Pheebs stay here? She doesn't want to leave me." Louis asks.

"Of course." Harry smiles at him.

He turns his gaze down to the little girl. Compared to Louis it doesn't look like she's been bawling her eyes out for the past day. She does on the other hand look really sad and most of all anxious. She walks up to him and hugs one of his legs hanging off of the bed while Louis sits down on his bed, looking down at his feet. 

"Hi Harry." Phoebe mumbles.

"Hi." He says.

Harry runs a hand through his hair before dropping it loosely over Louis' shoulder. With a tear falling down his face he rests his head on Harry's chest. Phoebe hops up into the taller boys lap and looks up at him with big, sad eyes.

"Can you make Loulou happy again like he told mum you always do?" She asks. 

He can feel Louis lean slightly more into him at the mention of Jay and squeezes his shoulder gently.

"I'll do my best." He assures her.

"Promise?"

"Super-duper extreme promise." Harry smiles.

Phoebe giggles slightly before skipping out of the room when Fizzy's voice is heard outside. He wraps his other arm around Louis as well, snuggling his face into the crying boy's soft hair. They stay there, without a word for a couple of minutes until Lottie opens the door. Phoebe walks back inside, crawling up next to Louis.

"Um, could I borrow you for just a second Harry?" Lottie asks.

Harry anxiously glances over at Louis who nods, telling him to leave. Harry flashes him a smile before walking out into the hallway, closing the door after himself.

"I'm really sorry. This probably sounds weird, but if any of you need anything I'm here." Harry says.

Lottie hastily smiles at him with a nod. "Thanks. Look, you are the only source of happiness Louis has left. I _need_ you to take care of him for me. He really needs you and I will _not_ hesitate to fight you if you hurt him whatsoever."

"I'm gonna do my best, I promise. Please get mad if I mess up. And I am not planning on ever hurting him, he's too nice."

"Good." She says before disappearing downstairs and Harry into his room where Phoebe's tightly wrapped up in Louis' arms. 

"Do you think mum will see my letter?" She sniffs into his arm.

"It's a very long way for it to travel so it will take a very long time. She'll be very, very happy when she gets it."

Harry sits down and wraps an arm around Louis' waist. Daisy pokes her head inside, begging for Phoebe to come downstairs. She slowly slides off Louis' lap and walks dowstairs with her sister. Louis moves closer to Harry who wraps his arms tightly around him. He notices Louis lose breath, starting to shiver after a while. 

"Breath in Lou," Harry says, waiting until the boy takes a deep breath, "and out."

He repeats it a couple of times, heart racing with worry until Louis is breathing steadily again. 

"Thanks." Louis mumbles. He snuggles his face back into Harry's hoodie. "Sorry I didn't text you back."

"Don't be."

"I am though."

"It's alright, I promise."

Harry runs a hand through Louis' hair and pulls him closer with the arm still around his waist. A tear falls down his face. It's terrible seeing Louis like this. And honestly, he just wants to get it over with. Just like he tried to all those months ago. Those months nobody to this day knows about. The only signs of it are the scars on his wrists. That, and his extreme obsession over longsleeved shirts.

But god, he's not going back there. For once, he'll need to be strong. Or something like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am first off all thinking about rewriting this but without harrys past self harm and jays death and add some drama instead, so tell me what you think about that :)  
> i also don't really have a lot of motivation, so if you have any ideas for this fic, write it all !!  
> thank you for reading! <3


End file.
